tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-442602775646235086.post7445409641207568125..comments2023-11-02T08:27:22.678-04:00Comments on A Home For Haven: Adoption CrapEricahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09499498673477249137noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-442602775646235086.post-43904151927576142092008-06-28T07:09:00.000-04:002008-06-28T07:09:00.000-04:00What a well stated response to a completely ignora...What a well stated response to a completely ignorant article. I don't mind when people question me on why I adopted internationally instead of domestic. I would rather have that anyday than people forming an opinion based on articles like that guy's. Unfortunately, I wish our government would ask us these questions and allow more families to bring children into their homes. Glad to here mom is up and at it!!! Good for her... someone listened to all our prayers.Heatherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02414882479730741128noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-442602775646235086.post-32629533945543565032008-06-28T00:15:00.000-04:002008-06-28T00:15:00.000-04:00Hey Jennifer, I tried clicking on your name to lin...Hey Jennifer, I tried clicking on your name to link back to your blog, but it wouldn't let me. I'm not going to delete your comment...just as I discuss my experience with the process, you should feel free to talk about yours. And just as you get tired of domestic adoption bashing (that was not my intent and I'm sorry if it came across as that. I was just talking about my experience) those of us that made the choice to adopt internationally get tired of the bashing as well. As soon as anyway learns I am adoption internationally I get two questions 1.) Why don't you just have your own? and 2.) Why don't you adopt here? It's really unfortunate that we can not work together to educate the public. I think so many people feel they have to defend their choices to adopt where they chose. Honestly, it has never mattered to me. What matters is that children that need a family have a family and those that want to parent are able to parent. <BR/>While I had initially explored domestic adoption it ultimately was not for me, and that's fine because I have moved on. Maybe someday I will look into it again, but with two dossiers in two countries I'm not really equipped as a single parent to try to go for 3! <BR/>I certainly did not mean to imply that because someone has cancer they can not adopt. As I mentioned, I was emailed by some other readers (I guess they were afraid of being flamed)stating that they were unable to adopt due current medical issues and that was in both the domestic and international programs. I didn't bother to ask which agencies they contacted. <BR/>International adoption was ultimately a better fit for me the same way domestic is for you. I have family from China and Japan so I was already familiar with the culture and language (at least for my China girl). <BR/>I know this is the path I am supposed to be on. It was a step of faith when I started both adoptions, but sometimes you have to trust that God will be the safety net. Honestly, because I hit so many road blocks with the domestic option it really did seem to be a sign that I was lead to international. <BR/><BR/>I do hope you will either leave a comment with the name of your agency or email me privately so that I can pass the information on when it is requested of me. Because I am adopting, people that are interested in adoption always assume I know everything about it in every country. Duh, I don't. I usually pass on the name of a couple of lawyers that only do adoption. Of course, their fees are very high (I'm assuming because they are lawyers). I'd love to be able to pass on the name of a good agency when asked. <BR/><BR/>Thanks for commenting, Jennifer. I think input from people with a variety of adoption experience is priceless. I truly hope you don't think I was attacking just because I decided on a different route.Ericahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09499498673477249137noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-442602775646235086.post-62751736012942238282008-06-27T23:35:00.000-04:002008-06-27T23:35:00.000-04:00Hi,I switched from a (failing) Vietnam adoption at...Hi,<BR/><BR/>I switched from a (failing) Vietnam adoption attempt to domestic adoption. I was in the VN adoption process for about 15-plus months. Once I switched to a domestic adoption, a birthmom chose me within weeks, and I had my baby Emmerson within a couple months, as a newborn.<BR/><BR/>It's no secret that I am a cancer survivor. So stating that you can't adopt domestically if you have a serious health history is untrue. Also, my domestic adoption fees were lower than those of what my Vietnam adoption would have been.<BR/><BR/>And the agency I used welcomed singles, divorcees, those with alternative lifestyles, those with health histories and basically anyone else who would be a good parent. I'm just stating the facts of my own domestic adoption experience. And mine wasn't a fluke, because multiple friends of mine had a similar domestic adoption experience.<BR/><BR/>To be honest, I'm glad I left the Vietnam program when I did. I took charge of my adoption journey, and I'm so glad that I did. The writing was on the wall a long time ago for US adoptions in Vietnam, and I got out right away.<BR/><BR/>People who rule out domestic adoption based on myths are doing both themselves and domestic adoption a disservice. I think it can be painful to have to be chosen by a birthparent, vs. being "assigned" a baby in international adoption. Domestic adoption often puts the birthmom first by giving her some choice, and I think that makes potential adoptive parents uncomfortable because they face rejection. Many don't want to admit that their fear of rejection is so overpowering that they can't face it at all. And the other truth is -- and I know this from people who have emailed me about my experience -- that many people are comfortable adopting an Asian child but NOT an African-American child. These same people, rather than owning up to it, start bashing domestic adoption as an attempt to divert the scrutiny away from themselves. (I'm not saying YOU are doing any of this!)<BR/><BR/>I can tell you that based on my experience, sadly, there are many shady domestic adoption agencies --many moreso than international adoption agencies. In international adoption circles, everyone knows who the good agencies are. In domestic, you really have to work to find a good agency because there are so darn many -- and hopefully you have several friends who successfully used the same one. I think that's another reason people have bad domestic adoption experiences. It's not domestic adoption that's the problem, it's the domestic adoption agency.<BR/><BR/>I think you simply didn't find a reputable agency, as I was fortunate to do. That's too bad, because now you believe domestic adoption isn't feasible for you, and you appear to be faulting the entire domestic adoption experience, when really it was just your own bad individual and agency experience.<BR/><BR/>I wish the people who are still waiting for a child match from Vietnam would realize that many of them are unlikely to get a referral. God gave me the power to make choices and decisions, not to stand passively by, and my choice was to switch out of Vietnam. That's why I'm a parent now, and I couldn't be happier about it! People who are doing nothing to move their parenthood forward can't blame anyone but themselves. I had *a lot* of fear to overcome to switch to domestic. But my fear of not ever being a parent outweighed my egotistical fear of rejection, and I took charge of my adoption and stopped blaming others.<BR/><BR/>(By the way, I hope you don't delete this comment. I will probably repost a similar version of this on my own blog because I'm so tired of domestic adoption bashing anyway.)Jennifer's Familyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11249353176793174736noreply@blogger.com