Home Study Updates

I heard from my SW today. She hasn't heard anything back yet from my agency, but I have heard they are a bit slow so I wasn't too surprised. More of a surprise is that the SW is still missing my guardianship form and my employment verification. I called my sis and she told me she sent it off about 3 weeks ago once I received the packet from my SW. I called my HR department as well, but it was after business hours. That one really doesn't surprise me. This is the same department that lost my application twice prior to ever getting an interview. I even called in advance to find out who it needed to be sent to, but who knows? I am hoping that it is actually at the home study agency and it just didn't find it's way into my file.

I'm so ready to come home. It feels weird to be less than a week from Christmas and have 60 and 70 degree temps. The maintenance people were mowing the grass today and I smelled the wonderful green smell of grass. It feels like spring so it is hard to get in the Christmas spirit. Evidently it is warming up at home too...Mom reported it was up in the 40s today.

It's a small world after all...yeah, you gotta sing along

It truly is a small world in the world of adoptions. Since arriving here and learning that there is a Babys R Us store no further than 2 miles from the hotel, I HAD to check it out. We don't actually have one in the town I live in and my sister never wants to visit the one in the town she lives in so I figured this was my chance.

I had every intention of only buying one little outfit for Haven, but, well that didn't work out so well. If you were to ask friends or family about my shopping habit, they would ask "what shopping habit?" It's true, I'm a girl and I'm not a shopper. For whatever reason I was finding all kinds of little boy outfits that I was loving (I promise to post pictures when I get home--my favorite is the little onesie that says "mommy's new man") Try only man, kiddo. I also got several outfits for my niece for Christmas--too cute! Who knew they made pink velour sweatsuits for 2 year-olds?

Anyway, I call my best bud, Kris, who truly knows how to shop and get a good deal. I needed her to talk me away from the bargain bin. So, I am standing in line with her dropping phrases like "no money" and "dossier" when the woman in front of me overhead and turned and with a smile asked something along the lines of "what country". She spoke my language! So, this is a shout-out to my new adoption buddy Stephanie who has been waiting for 22 months for her daughter from China. I swear, only China adoptive parents truly understand what it means to be patient and wait. Stephanie, I love your adoption blog and I'd love to add you to my blog log if that's ok!

I'm sitting here watching "The Biggest Loser" rubbing my Buddha Belly and groaning about the amount of food I have consumed in the last 24 hours. Ugh. At least the hotel has a mini-gym and I did work out today. I have an appointment to see my family doc the day after Christmas and I'm really beginning to dread that step up on the scale. I'm eating lots of fruit and veggies which might be contributing to the bloat factor. Ugh, ugh and more ugh.

Have you noticed that once you begin the process to adopt, you suddenly notice things that maybe you didn't before? While walking through the airport today I overheard two women talking about adoption. There weren't any seats available near them, so after I parked it, I went over and approached them. They were discussing domestic adoption and evidently it really differs from state-to-state. Even though I don't have any intention at this time of adopting domestically for personal reasons which I won't go into right now (because I get tired of answering THAT question also), it was very nice to speak to someone who has adopted and had a different experience with it.

Ok, new question and I hope I get feedback on this one. For my first child I got a tattoo with her Chinese name written in Chinese and a globe. The globe was a desire I'd had since I was a teen. Obviously, I plan on getting a second tattoo to celebrate the life of my son, but I haven't seen anything yet that makes me go "oh, I want that on my ass for the rest of my life". I'd like something that goes along with the present theme. I thought about having a shooting star over my globe, which would also celebrate Vietnam (check out a photo of their flag if that helps give you a visual). If you have any ideas or better yet, some photos or drawings, please contact me!

Wandering thoughts...

• I just heard from my SW and she has actually finished my home study draft today.  I just proofread it and called her back with suggestions.  She is going to call her boss today to clarify some things and then she will be forwarding to my agency.  Yay!
• A dear friend just called me.  I have known him for a number of years and I love and trust him even though we have of late, not been able to spend much time together.  He asked me,"How are you?  Is everything ok?  Anything new in your life?" and for the life of me, I couldn't tell him about this adoption.  I don't know why.  With my first I was biting my lip constantly to keep from smiling, and I am for this one as well, but I guess I am better about hiding it.  I don't know why I couldn't share this with him...especially when he was so supportive of the first adoption.  He and his partner are going to be "grandpas" for my little girl, so why not share the news of my son?  I never expected to be able to adopt a son, especially not this close to finishing the paperwork for the first adoption.  I feel incredibly blessed and I feel like Haven is a little jewel that I am hiding away from everyone.  Maybe I have just learned from the first that the less people that know the less you have to answer the questions all over again.  That sounds so negative, doesn't it?  I wish I didn't sound like that.  I guess I am tired of educating people constantly.  I'm sure the APs and PAPs that I have been bugging the last 4-6 weeks are probably laughing right now because I have been bugging them for information!  Laugh it up Jen and Kelli!
• After thinking and praying it over I decided to be approved for two boys and my home study and I-600A reflect that now.  At first I had a moment of panic thinking about it, but then I realized that I have had at least a moment of panic before starting the process before both of my adoptions.  As my mom said, "well, I guess you are done with your family at that point."  More than likely, I will not be matched with twins or both a young sibling set, but I guess it is good that I am now emotionally prepared for the possibility. 
• I am so fortunate to live in the town that I live in.  We have an Asian Culture Center that I have made contact with them.  In addition to Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Hindi, and Filipino language tutors, they have Vietnamese Tutors!  I volunteered to help with English tutoring since I have experience in this area.  I am hoping that I will get connected to those in the Vietnamese community and hopefully make some new friends. 

I-600A

I completed my I-600A this morning and happily placed it in the mailbox only to learn the mail had already gone today.  At least it is done!  It will probably take them a week to get it anyway.  For some reason it takes 4-5 full days before things mailed in Indy reach me, but my parents can send me a letter from out of state and I receive it in 2 days. 

My SW is supposed to complete my home study on Monday and fax the draft to my agency.  Hopefully there won't be any significant changes needed, but VN is different from China and my SW and I weren't sure specific things were needed on this particular home study.  I'm sure I'll be getting a call/email from the SW on Monday with any additional questions. 

Yesterday after work I decided to wander over to a second-hand children's store that carries all thing baby and child.  Before I even got into the store I saw a double stroller out front for $50.  I just had this moment where the light went on in my head and I thought "ah-ha, I'm having two!"  Just seeing what it looks like to have two small kids was eye-opening and exciting.  It's one thing to talk about my imaginary kids (as I like to refer to them until I actually get a referral), but it's another thing to see what two kids require and the space they take up. 

I have started reading one of the books my SW recommended and so far it reads very much like some of the books I read about China and Russia.  The communist revolution rolls in, land is redistributed, landowners (even if it was no more than an acre of farm land) are beat and/or run out of town.  The filth of the community take over and people start turning on each other.  It horrified me to read about it in college, and it horrifies me now to think of having to live through the horrors that they lived through.  I think my life is a struggle at times, but I don't have someone beating down my door and threatening to harm me because a distant relative has land.  In all of these societies, women are the ones that suffer most.  It seems to arise in very patriarch societies where women have little to no rights and as a woman, it breaks my heart to think of what women have endured for thousands of years and that there are still many women living in these conditions today.  I think that once you open your eyes to the plight of those in your world, it is almost impossible to shut them again.   That's my deep thought for the day.

Home Study--done!

Wow, what an easier experience it has been this time around.  So relaxed, so easy.  I met my social worker, Dee Ellen, today at Starbucks.  She told me there was no reason to go to my home unless I had bought a new home.  Been there, done that I guess.  Since her daughter lives in this area now, I told her to stop by sometime this Spring and she will have a chance to see both nurseries.  I know that the world of international adoption is a slippery slope and there are no guarantees, but I have still chosen to believe that my children will someday come home.  My baby girl's room is nearly complete--the only thing left to do is paint a mural of a cherry blossom tree.  If anyone has any skills they'd like to share, now is a good time to share!  I have the paint for Haven's room, but I will wait until after Christmas to start on anything. I think I might do a jungle theme of sorts.  

I really had a great visit with my SW and I won't go into all the details of it, but she always leaves me with such a positive feeling.  She actually told me I was wise to work on a concurrent adoption since I always planned on having two children.  She said I was being proactive and taking what might be a difficult situation and making it productive.  I haven't been sitting back and complaining about the long wait.  It is a long wait, but I anticipated that it would be.  I will admit that if something happens to slow the wait in VN as well, I may not be as calm about the whole situation. 

I told her that my pastor had joked with me that I might get referred twins or triplets and I told him to bite his tongue.  She told me to think about it and if I don't want that included she would remove it before submitting.  I'm not looking to be matched with twins, trust me, but if I was referred a twin I wouldn't want the boys separated.  They have already lost their bio parents, the thought of losing a bio sibling is too much for me to contemplate.  Does anyone have any thoughts on this?  What did you decide to do?  I realize that the likelihood of twins is unlikely so it probably doesn't matter what she puts down. 

Second question...can anyone recommend any good books about Vietnam?  She had an article for me that she copied from an adoption magazine and they recommended The Sacred Willow by Duong Van Mai Elliot and Paradise of the Blind by Tho Huong Duong.  I keep trying to find books that discuss life in VN, but everything I find discusses the war.  I realize that is a HUGE part of their culture and history, but I don't want Haven growing up thinking that that is all his birth country is known for. 

More good news...my dad has an extra week of vacation that he needs to get rid so he is going to come over next year (God willing that things continue and things become more smooth in VN) and take care of Haven so I don't have to send him to daycare.  Haven will be the first grandson in the family!  My dad is thrilled. 

I really hope the USCIS process is smoother for me this time.  I have managed to complete my paper work in less than three weeks and I really want to get things sent off as soon as possible especially since things are less stable in VN. 

I have already waited so long to start a family...the thought of enduring another long wait would be heartbreaking. 

Hormonal Surge

I think I am having a hormonal surge and I suppose it is normal.  In my heart I know I am expecting a child and it would be silly to think that my body wouldn't respond in some sort of fashion.  The same thing happened last year as I paper chased for my China girl.  The breasts swelled, I got weepy--it was all good. 

I'm starting to feel the same things again.  I'm hoping the breasticles don't get overly large this year because all my money is going towards this adoption and can't be spent on new bras or clothes!  In addition to the growing mountains, I have started becoming weepy over any child related thing.  I've heard this will last another 18 years--I guess I'll just have to wait it out and hope for the best.  I've also begun cleaning like a mad woman.  In light of the fact that my SW isn't coming to the house there isn't any good reason to be scrubbing my floors obsessively as I have this afternoon.  I guess it is all a part of nesting.  I'm hoping to go through the spare room, aka Haven's Room, during the holidays and get rid of a lot of stuff. 

In between my cleaning and sorting I came across the video which is sure to induce tears of joy from any waiting mom.  I dare you to watch and not a tear little.  If you make it through unscathed, well, I'm not sure there is really an award for that but you certainly save in the Kleenex department. 

The first song is Satellite by Collective Soul (I love them!) and the second is Lullaby by the Dixie Chicks.  I just love both of these songs and thought it was very appropriate for the video.  Are are the lyrics to Satellite:

"Satellite"
Soon a man will kneel to pray
Soon the light will burn our shade
And with the sweet the bitter fades
So my heart and take your place
Cause I will be your force
And I will be your right
And I will watch over you like a satellite
Soon reason will have rhyme
Soon wisdom will imply
And with courage doubt subsides
So take my heart and take my pride
And I will be your side
And I will be your might
And I will watch over you like a satellite
River will flow from scenes unknown
I'll guide you through by the love I'll show
And the stars will wish upon the night
That they could have a guiding satellite