Meant to be?

Have you ever had that sense that things are meant to be?  You know what I am talking about...getting stuck behind a slowish vehicle and getting ready to pass only to learn that a cop is coming your direction.  Losing your job to find one that you enjoy just as much or more.  Both of these things have happened to me and I can remember feeling quite irritated being stuck behind that truck when what I really wanted to do was drive fast and get where I was going.  Losing my job last summer was a traumatic experience, but the truth was, I was ready for a change.  While this job does not pay as well, it has other perks. 

Yesterday when I learned that CIS would be delayed and I wouldn't receive my 171H for nearly 2 weeks, I didn't even flinch.  I had this deep sense that this is the way it was supposed to be.  I hear families talking about how the child they received was truly meant to be a part of their family.  On some level I have always thought that was a bunch of horse crap, but on another level, I wondered if there was some validity to the statement.  For whatever reason, I have not felt the overwhelming sense of anxiety, fearfulness and excitement that I had when I first began this process.  A lot has to do with what happened in January.  There was a real sense of healing and peace that followed in the week or so after that heartbreak that has carried me through learning I had another two week wait. 

My agency director emailed today to check on the status of my other paperwork and said he really wanted to make sure things were done correctly so I wouldn't have any further delays.  He said the wait list was moving quickly and he wanted to get me on it before others sign in.  He isn't kidding, they had a boatload of referrals last week (ok, to clarify a boatload of referrals doesn't really have to be many for a woman who has sat in a line that was barely budged for the past 12+ months).  After all the pain and heartache through the month of January, this is music to my ears.  My mother, my faithful rock, has said repeatedly even when I tried to correct her that I would have Haven this year.  Maybe she knows something I don't. 

I sent an email thanking the CIS officer for updating me on my 171H status.  Surprisingly, she emailed back and thanked me for understanding. She then signed it with just her first name (instead of last name and title). 

It was a nice touch and I appreciated it, but as my mother pointed out, she might actually get more done if she wasn't responding to emails!  Personally, after all the ignored emails I've had throughout this process, I'm quite grateful for the smallest bit of courtesy.  Thanks, Ms. CIS officer!

Time to stop obsessing...I'm going to work!  Catch you on the night side of life. 

171H update

No, it isn't here which is why I contacted the local CIS office.  Within two hours I had a reply (thank God!):

I have your file in my stack to work.  The usual officer went out on emergency medical leave a few weeks ago and I had to jump in so there is a longer delay than usual on the processing.  I will get to your application as soon as possible, I am working on them in the order that they were received and I have about 5 or 6 applications ahead of yours.  I hope to get to yours early next week so long as nothing pressing pops up in the meantime.

So there you have it...the reason for my delay.  It's helpful to at least know what is going on.  Best guess is I will be submitting my dossier somewhere around March 10th. 

I'm starting to feeling nervous/excited again.  I had emailed my agency to find out how they wanted things notarized and after not hearing anything for a couple of days, I finally decided to notarize the way my China agency required.  So, I spent this afternoon getting notarized only to find an email from the agency when I got home specifying another approach.  Oh brother.  So, it looks like I will have to re-do a couple of documents.  I hate to go back to my friend's mom for notarization because her hands are bad, but unless my other friend gets her notary in the meantime, I'm not sure what else to do.  I guess there is always the bank...

A conversation with my mother

I have mentioned here before that I plan on getting a tattoo to celebrate my son.  I did the same for my daughter and after a lot of thought I came up with something that represents Vietnam and what would blend nicely with the tattoo I already have. 

For whatever reason, I always feel closer to my grandma when going through the adoption process.  I think it is something that she would have approved and supported and I think of all the sacrifices she made for her own children.  When I think of my grandmother I remember the costume jewelry that she had in her jewelry box.  As a kid, that was the first place I went to play.  The pieces I remember most are her dragonfly pins.  I'm sure they were quite tacky, but I would have loved to have inherited them when she died.  Unfortunately, I think my aunts pitched anything without monetary value.  Kris and I have mentioned getting tattoos together and I think I found a dragonfly that best represents her. 

So I had a fact-finding coversation with my mother that sounded something like this:

Me:  What was grandma's favorite color?

Mom: Red.  But women of that time weren't supposed to wear red.  When she was older she started wearing red.  Why do you ask?

Me:  Well, I was thinking of getting a little dragonfly tattoo in memory of her.  When I think of her that is what I always remember most.

Mom:  What kind of tattoo are you going to get for me?  What represents me?

 

Ok, not exactly the response I was expecting.  I thought she would try to talk me out of it, but instead she wanted to know what most represents her.  That is a hard question to answer.  I only had my grandma, her mother, for a few years before Alzheimer's robbed her of her memories.  I've had my mother for my lifetime and there are so many memories.  I'm not sure that any one thing makes me think of my mother.  I remember the smell of her favorite perfume, I think of her strength in the face of adversity, and I think of her un-ending support.  She has supported me and every "wacky" idea I have had.  I guess in that sense, she made the stars in the sky seem attainable and not so far away.  Perhaps this is her legacy.  

Just what I needed

Ok, maybe it wasn't the one thing I wanted, but I did get what I needed this weekend...isn't that a Stones song?  The 171H did NOT arrive like it was supposed to this weekend so I am keeping tabs on Tracy's blog hoping that once she hears, I'll hear.  I know it doesn't work that way, but humor me. 

The part where I got what I needed came in the form of my good friend, and probably closest girl friend, Kris.  She has been an awesome friend, incredibly supportive of both my China adoption AND Haven's adoption.  She is also the reason I haven't blogged the past few days (although I would have let you all know if I had received my 171H!).  We actually stayed away from the computer all weekend and only checked email briefly Saturday night. 

We had an awesome time (well, I had an awesome time--you'll have to stay tuned to Kris' blog for her opinion).  She arrived Thursday evening/Friday morning during a hateful winter storm that was just spitting ice.  Friday morning after we got up and started our day we wondered if it was a good idea to even attempt getting out, but I am glad we did.  We shopped locally and learned that a local woman designs baby carriers.  She has two different styles, but I really preferred the sling method and she evidently will custom make them so I can choose any fabric I want.  Kristen has some photos of me modeling the sling complete with baby doll.  I'll try to post them once she sends them to me. 

Saturday we spent the day in her state capitol and she got to meet the rest of my immediate family.  Wow, I really should have warned her!  We also did a lot of shopping--well we shopped and I bought.  I did find matching pink and blue piggy banks that I bought for the kids and an adorable red shirt that says "single and loving it".  Depending on how much space my kids have between birthdays, they will definitely be wearing that shirt.  Mama may have to find one for herself. 

Yesterday was a short day together.  We met Kelli for brunch here in town at one of our quaint little restaurants.  It is good to spend time with those that understand the process.  I almost feel like we need our very own supportive group and at my last FCC gathering the other single mom in the group did mention she is trying to get one together.    Our needs and concerns are different than married couples--not necessarily more difficult, just different.

The only bad part of the weekend is when I did a slip 'n slide on my front stoop yesterday morning.  I took one step and the next thing I know my feet are above my head and I'm flat on cement.  I'm bruised and I may have popped a rib.  It hurts when I take a deep breath and is very tender.  My left shoulder and both hips are also really sore.  I think this gives me a really good excuse to just sit and watch the new show that Kris got my hooked on.  No kidding...after she left yesterday I sat and watched an additional 8 or 9 episodes.  Yikes. 

My goal today is to get all the documents I have right now notarized.  I'm hoping the one I want is just around the corner. 

...well, if that isn't a kick in the pants

Gonna keep it short and simple--I'm supposed to be cleaning house beofre Kris arrives in a few hours.

• No 171H in the mail today.  Keeping my fingers crossed that it will still arrive tomorrow afternoon. Tracey, have you gotten yours yet?
• Second kick in the pants: I ordered my new camera on Monday, but it still hasn't shipped from the warehouse.  What the heck?  It was only supposed to take 3-5 days, but now they are telling me it is delayed indefinitely.  Here's the real kicker--as I was cleaning up my office (the spare room that Kris is staying in) I lovingly looked at my old camera one last night.  And just for kicks and giggles, I thought I would try to get it to work.  Well, folks, the darn thing not only turned on, but it retracted the zoom lens that has been sticking out for the last 3-4 weeks.  Go figure. I even test fired a couple of shots.

So there you have it, all my updated in a heart beat.

Using the baby card

I have finally used the adoption/baby card.  For whatever reason, the State Troopers love calling my house even though I have never donated.  They have called 3 times today before I finally answered and twice yesterday.  It's really harassment. 

The nice gentleman began his spiel and I told him that I would not be able to donate this year (or tomorrow, or the day after) because I am in the process of adopting a child.  He then proceeded to ask if I would like to donate a small gift of $10.  I told him that every little penny that my little fingers find, goes right into the adoption fund.  I finished with "I need to find $30,000 this year on a nurse's salary."  He finished with a God bless you, ma'am and got off the phone. 

This weekend I received an e-mail from a woman and her husband soliciting funds for their third adoption.  I don't know this couple.  I have never met them.  Never spoken to them.  I have never even e-mailed them before.  I finally found out how she got my e-mail (it was addressed to an old e-mail address).  Evidently she was a member for a China adopt yahoo group that I used to follow last year.  I'm no longer a member, but she decided to contact me anyway! 

Please understand, I'm not against fund raising, I really am not.  If I know for sure that Haven's adoption will go through I will likely inform my church and see what creative things they might be able to suggest for fund raising.  I've never been good at those things and will certainly never be able to toot my own horn.  A year ago I was terribly sick with pneumonia and was so short of breath that I struggled to even get to the bathroom (my solution was to not drink fluids so I wouldn't have to get up, which only exacerbated the pneumonia--it sucks to live alone).  Did I ask for help?  Not a chance.  Thank God one of my friends came over to check on me, get me groceries and bring me his leftovers.  If not for him and my mother I'm not sure what my outcome would have been. 

Money is a huge concern for me.  Right now I am debating whether I should rent a ~ $5.00 movie.  It seems like such a small thing, but every dollar I spend is one less that goes towards getting my kids home.  And in light of my camera purchase earlier this week, I'm even more cautious.  So I guess the point of this rambling bit is this, unless I owe you money...DON'T ASK FOR MONEY.  Otherwise, I'm going to pull the adoption card out and if pushed, the single mom card.  Oh, yeah, I got two card!