Countdown

I'd be lying if I said I didn't notice the date or how many more days are left until September 1st.  I think this is on all our minds, but especially those of us that are waiting for a referral.  I look forward to September 1st with a sense of hope and anxiety.  A big part of me is just ready to know something, anything with any degree of certainty.  Obviously I hope that includes my son. 

I am not the eternal optimist that my sister is, and I really wish I was.  The most beautiful thing about her isn't her big green eyes or her laugh, for me it has always been the fact that she believes all things are possible and nothing is out of reach.  She has absolutely no doubt that Duc will be coming home or that I will someday marry--why wouldn't he come home and how crazy am I to think I won't someday meet a nice man that I want to marry (and wants to marry me also--it's not a one sided venture!)  I'm a realist and I've been shaped through a series of life changing events, events that my sister has never and will likely never experience.  Unfortunately I always know failure is an option, regardless of what we are discussing. 

At this point I have no idea if I will receive a referral by September 1st.  All I know is that my agency will continue working hard until the very last day and I know they take their jobs very seriously.  This gives me peace.  Although this time is very stressful, I will continue to maintain a blog, but I doubt it will have some of the deep topics that I have discussed over the last few months.  Instead, I plan on focusing on what I'm doing to stay busy. 

This has been an incredibly stressful time.  Those of you that know me personally know the stresses I have had over the last year.  I have decided to focus all those emotions on doing things I enjoy. Things that will keep me occupied.  With the exception of a few, I will likely not be checking blogs with any regularity.  It's not personal, it's just a matter of emotional preservation.  HOWEVER, if you have good news to share I DO expect you to e-mail me IMMEDIATELY.  You know who you are. 

I have decided to focus my time and energy on the things that bring me the greatest joy...things I have been neglecting for a long time.   In fact, I had an awesome weekend because I got to do all three of my favorite things: read, write and see movies.  I finished reading a book in less than 24 hours (see previous post), I worked for several hours on Saturday and Sunday on my own novel (totally unrelated to adoption), and I saw a movie in the theatre in addition to renting two movies.  It was Nirvana, I tell you!  I didn't get any more sleep than I usually do, but just the same, I felt happier and more alert.  I am also walking a lot.  For those of you that don't exercise, I can not recommend strongly enough how incredibly good walking or exercise is for your mental health and stress levels. 

For those of you that are waiting, please know that I pray for you everyday.  Despite what occurs over the next 3 weeks, I pray for peace and guidance for all of you. 

Oh, and this is NOT my swan song!