My Forgotten Birthday

I never thought this birthday could be bad except in the event of not receiving a referral before September 1st.  However, I can tell you that yesterday's birthday was the worst and it had nothing to do with the shutdown. 

I woke up Saturday morning and checked my e-mail (duh, don't the rest of you?) and I started seeing a bunch of e-mails in Italian from PayPal.  I just assumed they were phishing for information and I deleted them.  In total, I had 8 e-mails and only the first and last were in English.  It wasn't until I looked at the final e-mail that I read what it said and the basic message was that I had just purchased a Saab (yes, the car) with 850 GBP (Great Britain Pounds).  Yep, you read correctly, a car.  So, I logged into the PayPal account that I thought I had deleted years ago (because it was a piece of $hit even then) and learned that the e-mails were legit.  Someone had transferred 1200 GBP to my account and used 850 GBP for a second-hand Saab.  I immediately called the credit card that I had listed and was told there had been no charges (that card had expired 6 months ago and I had changed numbers at the time--thank God, or they could have cleaned me out).  I sent off a bunch of e-mails to PayPal asking for resolution and then started reviewing my credit reports for any abnormalities.  So far, so good. 

My mom and I went ahead with our plans, but because I hadn't eaten in 15 hours and I was already quite stressed over the whole PalPal security breach and potential stolen identity issue I think my blood sugar must have dropped because I was less than pleasant at that point.  It gets better--then, my sister and her family couldn't find their way to the festival and I begin to lose my mind telling my brother-in-law, "south, you need to walk south".  I shouldn't have been a jerk because I have serious direction issues, but I thought I was doing pretty good because I told him "if you're left hand is touching the brick building that houses XXXXXX business, then you are going south".  Or, "you need to head towards the court house.  Now you are going south."  Unfortunately my patience is at an end from teaching the computer users at the hospital for the last three weeks.  An example of one conversation:

me: you need to click on the big red button on the computer screen that says CANCEL.  Did you do that?

her: I don't know.

me: How do you not know?  It's a yes or no question.  Either you clicked on it or you didn't. 

her: I don't know.

me: If you clicked on the big red button that says CANCEL you won't see that button any more.  Do you see that button now?

her: I don't know.  How do I know?

ARRRGHH.  This same person and I had many more conversations about the elusive big, red CANCEL button.  I finally got to tired of it (if I ever start talking to you very slowly and very softly, please know it is because I am struggling with my every breath to not come through the phone and beat you senseless with it) so I went up to where she was (which involved lots of stairs and elevators since the layout is funky so that really put me in lovely form).  Imagine my surprise when I arrived and that big, red CANCEL button was glaring me in the face!  I clicked cancel moved to the next screen and this person had the nerve to ask, how did you get it to go there?  I clicked the big, red CANCEL button you moron!  Actually, I was very nice.  I explained and demonstrated that when you click the big red CANCEL button it allows you to navigate to a new screen. 

Anyway, my sister's family finally arrived and then my phone rang.  I won't go in to detail about what was said, but I will say the person on the other end of the phone was supposed to meet all of us for my birthday to shop the fair and eat.  This person, of all people, should have been there to celebrate my birthday and decided not to.  Not only that, this person later said, "I always confuse your birthday with your sister's".  This person is a liar.  This person has always remembered my birthday and has always been the first one to send me an e-mail or leave me a voice mail to say "Happy Birthday".  This person has never forgotten a single birthday of mine prior.  I hope this person is reading this right now and knows how hurt I am. 

So, I'm stung by that awful phone call, my blood sugar is dropping (I'm not diabetic, but I get hypoglycemic sometimes when I don't eat and/or I am stressed), I'm dehydrated, and I'm already burned from walking around for an hour and a half and then after entering two different restaurants my sister decides that neither one is good enough.  At this point I'm just wondering how much longer I'm going to last before I drop because she is being so persnickity.  However, it would have improved things if she had mentioned she had a baggy full of Teddy Grahams in her monster purse, but she did not mention that for several more hours.   I finally decide to leave them in my dust and haul ass into a favorite little family owned pizza restaurant.  They catch up, I have some non-diet soda and things start to look better, except now I have to try to explain to my sister why the other part of our party will not be showing up today.  There really weren't any good words for why that person wasn't going to be there.  It was just very disappointing all the way around.  Between this person (whom I should probably refer to TP, except that sounds too much like toilet paper, which is easily confused with ass wipe and I don't want to start calling this person names), the unexplained charges to my PayPal account, the potential identity theft issue, and the overall unease I was feeling--it was just a very difficult day.  Last night I looked at my watch and noticed I only had two more hours left in my birthday and I thought "Thank God!"  I was ready for that day to be over.

Today was a glorious new day and it was nice to go out with my friend, Michael. Not only that, I got phone calls and e-mails from a number of other friends and blogger buddies checking in on me.  I don't need to name you all, but please know that I am grateful for your friendships and for the opportunity to get to know you.  My hope is that my next birthday is vastly different than this one.

Happy Labor Day!

"Nothing slips through my crack"

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Progress, I think

I saw this article posted on one of the yahoo groups and I am sharing it here.  It's from the Thanhnien News and they are discussing the changes that need to occur in order for adoptions to continue in VN.  While I am still hoping that I receive a referral before the shutdown, it is encouraging to know that people high-up on both sides of the ocean are looking at this issue. 

Today at church my pastor was talking about Acts 12 and believing in the impossible.  For those that don't remember the story (yeah, I can never remember what happens in each book...I always have to look it up) Peter was assisted by the angels to escape from prison.  Even Peter thought he was dreaming--he didn't think it was possible and fully expected that he would also be beheaded at the request of King Herod.  Even the people praying for his rescue didn't believe it would happen--they thought it was his angel that showed up on their doorstep.  They prayed in earnest never expecting that he would be saved. 

I don't know what is ahead of me at the end of this week.  Most reading this are in the same boat--some of us are hopeful and others are not.  At this point there is nothing left for me to do but to pray and I will be praying earnestly. 

ahhh....

I finally had a day off, a real day off where I wasn't on-call or going into work for meetings.  For the first time in two weeks, I had a day off!  I can't even tell you how badly I need a rest.  Most of you reading are also going through the same things right now--stressing over whether you will get that call in time and what you are going to do if you don't.  I have those stresses and I have a multitude of job stresses also.  In addition to the on-call (an infuriating two weeks in September), I also have the long hours every day as a result of a huge go live project.  The second phase, and considered by the organization to be the 'Big Bang' go live, starts again on Tuesday.  If that was not enough my boss as asked me to attend several more classes and those are held in Alpharetta, GA and Dallas, TX.  Six classes totalling 4-6 weeks of training away from home between September and the end of the year.  I haven't booked any of them yet because I am wondering about a referral.  I feel like I can't move on with anything until I know for sure one way or another.  I know a lot of others are in the same type of purgatory so I hate to complain so much about it. 

Anyway, I finally had a day off yesterday.  Not only that, I have a three day weekend!  I decided to spend Friday cooking with my mom.  We prepared a Vietnamese feast that truly rivaled some of the authentic Vietnamese foods I have tried.  We made a Thai cucumber salad, pork spring rolls (with the sticky rice paper wraps), dipping sauce with fish sauce (yes, fish sauce.  I was so proud of my mom for making that one since she hates fish and is put out by the way fish sauce is prepared).  I made beef pho and I was going to make a banana-tapioca-coconut treat but I ran out of steam.  I made the pho from recipe.  I know there are prepared mixes out there, but I was living independently as an adult before I realized there are cake mixes or pancake mixes.  I have always done things the old fashioned way.  All I can say is that my house smells incredible!  The anise seed released a perfume in my house--ahh, it smells so good!  I'm waiting for my mom to send me pictures of me preparing the food, but I do have pictures of the final result.  Enjoy! Hehe, I love this last picture of my mom holding the cooked piece of ginger.  It was truly a big piece, but I think the angle of the camera distorts it a bit.  I was able to buy all but two ingredients at my local Marsh store.  For the rice paper and anise seed I had to go to one of the Asian grocery stores in town.  I was pretty impressed that everything was so easy to find.

Guess what?

No, not that! I've decided not to call any family members between now and September 1st for fear of getting them overly excited. I got an interesting little letter in the mail yesterday. Evidently I have been accepted into the Citizen's Police Academy! I find this very funny. I'm actually looking forward to it because I think it will be interesting to see how investigations are completed and what the processes are that they go through. Again, I think it with help lend validity to my someday novel. Plus, I think it would be fun to do a ride around. I guess it really isn't that big of a deal. I actually know a couple of cops and I'm sure they would be willing to accommodate me. I've become friends with a guy I work with--he's a nurse, an herbalist, a volunteer fireman and a cop. He told me if I ever got pulled over again in a particular rural county that loves to pull me over for no good reason that I should drop his name. Seriously, I will accept blame when it is warranted but I got pulled over once for having a suitcase in the backseat. What the heck? The cop actually leaned into my car and demanded to know where I was going. What an ass. Oh yeah, I can't wait to join the citizen's police academy.

I got off call Monday morning and I'm still worn out. Partly from the on-call, but also from the ridiculous amount of overtime I've been working. I keep telling myself it is baby money, but now I am wondering if I played the wrong bet. I told my boss that I would only do on-call on a temporary basis (until the usual folks are able to return--which strangely, they show no signs of returning to the schedule even though their schedules are currently lighter than mine...hmmm) and I also specified that I would do on-call until I became a parent (Please, God, send me a referral! I can't bear the thought of being on-call another couple of years until my daughter comes home!) or I felt my health was adversely being affected. I will admit, everyday I look at that **** (I'll let you fill in the profanity of your choice) schedule I do feel my blood pressure spike a bit. I try to calm myself and say, "it's for the baby". Actually, that's my mantra every time the stupid thing beeps. I need to stop writing about it--it just makes me mad. At least I have in writing that it is only temporary.

What else is new...oh yeah! I bought a Vietnamese cookbook and I think I'm going to like it. It has adapted the recipes so that the user can find the ingredients much easier. Honestly, with the exception of the fish sauce I should be able to find everything at my local grocery. I think Kroger even carries fresh ginger. I'm pretty psyched. I'm actually going to experiment on my family some day soon. Since I don't have a Vietnamese restaurant locally, it will be nice to be able to make a few dishes at home.

I spent 75 mind-numbing minutes at the AT&T Wireless store yesterday. My cell phone, although only about 18 months old, has been acting funny. I'm able to call and receive calls only intermittently. The salesguy replaced the SIM card and because my agency uses my cell number and not my home number to reach me, I decided I needed to know a back-up plan. Fortunately he said I'm do for an upgrade in about 3 weeks, but if the phone is still acting up they thought they could bump it up sooner. Evidently I will have a $150-200 new phone credit. Any suggestions? The pharmacist I'm working with (not the cute one, unfortunately) has been telling me I need to get an iPhone. If I got an iPhone it would eliminate the need for an iPod. I'm all for eliminating clutter, but I thought I'd ask for your opinions? Do you have a cell phone suggestion or experience with iPhone you'd like to share?

My phone was still acting funny this morning so I'm thinking I need to make a decision soon.

Not enough hours in the day

I've been on-call for the last 49 hours of my life and I still have another 47 hours before I am free.  Last night I was up until 12:30 am--not because I wasn't tired, but because I had an annoying fly (you know those flies that glow kind of green and purple on top?  That fly) buzzing my head.  They aren't like ordinary house flies that are mostly silent, these stupid things make an annoying bzzzz sound when flying angrily through the room.  I tried hitting it with the wet washcloth.  No go.  I finally grabbed a fly swatter and got down to business.  I had sweet silence for about two minutes after killing it until I heard the familiar bzzz sound again.  It had a mate!  Finally, at 12:28 am they were both dead and I was just left to contend with killing the slow moving mosquitos.  The reason for the bugs are a story for another day. 

At 6:22 am today my cat decides that I need to get up.  At 7:14 am, my pager goes off indicating the same thing.  Unfortunately I've just spent the last hour working on something that I have no access in which to fix.  I'm so tired!  I'm so tired I don't even want to fix a bowl of cereal to eat, but I am too awake to go back to bed at this point. 

I hate to even complain about this because any time I do moms with kids are quick to point out that this is what motherhood is like.  If so, I'm pretty sure I won't get much sleep for the next 20 years.  That's also why I feel I need to soak in as much rest now so I am better prepared for if/when I do become a parent.   

Please pray that I get some rest today because I am back to work for another 12 or 13 hour day tomorrow.  I really hope I receive a referral so I can finally use the kid "card" at work.  Evidently they don't force parents with little kids to work such long hours (not that that is the only reason I want a kid--I hope you know that much about me by now!).  For years I have been forced to do on-call, work long hours, weekends and holidays because I didn't have any family, especially kids.  It's time for the hospital to finally pay up. 

Looking forward

There are some good things to say about working overtime.  Anyone that knows me knows I'd rather have my free time than a fat check.  However, things are different when you are planning a family.  Any other time of the year overtime would be a no-no, but since we had to implement a new system hospital wide and support the users (which includes all the testing for the application and new devices, education of staff, etc.) the sky was the limit.  I could have worked 80 hours this week, but I'm not that motivated.  However the OT did/will provide me two things:

1. A distraction from personal things.  Honestly, I have been too busy to think about if I will receive a referral.
2. Baby money.  That's right, the OT money goes right into a baby account as will my on-call pay.

If I do not receive a referral by September 1, I have a back-up plan.  With the exception of maybe two people, my co-workers have no idea I am attempting to adopt.  Honestly, I just don't handle the questions that well so I'd rather not give them the opportunity to ask them.  When people ask me why I am trying to sock away all my vacation hours I tell them it is because I am planning a trip to Asia this year.  I usually don't tell them where or I tell them I am thinking of visiting Chennie in HK.  So, if I don't have a reason to go to Asia later this year, I have decided that I will be leaving the continental US no matter what.  Kristen and I had discussed this late last year and decided that we will go to Hawaii if we don't receive a referral this year.  I've decided that even if we need to drag her newly adopted 4 year-old daughter with us to Hawaii--we are going! 

I haven't given up hope.  Like I have mentioned--I am normally a realist, but I really can't be a realist when it comes to my kids.  Don't you always have to hope for the best?  I started working on a baby blanket for my little guy early this year, but since I tend to crochet when I'm stressed it has morphed into a big boy blanket.  Hmm.  I'll have to crochet another one if I receive a referral--there is no way this one is going to fit in a suitcase!  I'll try to post photos of it as I get closer to completion.