Weighty Issues

I can remember the power words had over me when I was an adolescent.  I remember crying as a 12 year-old because the girls at school were mean, or worse, the teacher was mean (and yes, I had a couple of nasty teachers that hated kids, even me).  Even in my early twenties I remember how upset I would get if my boss was hypercritical or yelled at me for seemingly innocent infractions.  I was so happy when I got older and began to mature.  Those things didn't seem to bother me as much...until now.  It's amazing how much power words still hold over me when it comes to my family.  While I won't go into the details of it, I will say that I received an email from someone on Friday that seemed to encourage me in my wait for Haven.  It felt like things were back on track (pre-January 15th meltdown) and I dared to hope that I may not only see Haven's referral this year, but also get to meet him. 

Yesterday I read a blog that seemed to indicate the contrary.  They spoke of an anonymous source who was sure the whole process was going to shut down.  And again this morning, I read a post someone left on one of the Vietnam Adopt groups reporting the personal opinion of their particular agency.  While I think it is good to be informed, are we truly informed here?  I did my homework before jumping on this crazy train.  I read countless sources that stated something along these lines:

Families who are more comfortable with a highly predictable process or who have limited funds to use for adoption will still be better off applying to adopt a child from China. Adoption Today, April/May 2007, pages 16-18

 

                              and...

In short it is difficult to find many negatives to the program with the exception of the fact that it is just beginning again and some kinks still need to be worked out. Adoption Today, April/May 2007, pages 16-18.

While I'm not exactly endorsing the last statement because a number of things have changed since last Spring, I do agree with the fact that it is still a relatively new program and it has some MAJOR kinks to work out...some (or many, depending on who you talk to) of which can be found on this side of the things. 

Even though I feel God has given me a sense of peace throughout this journey, there are moments when I read statements such as these and I feel the panic rise for a minute or two.  Then I remember, I didn't come down this road to take the easy way.  I'm following what God has put on my heart.  There are so many unknowns in life, but I do know that regardless of how this turns out, I would always wonder with regret what would have happened if I hadn't stepped out on this ledge.  I have used a phrase for many years when I feel I'm getting to a place I'm not comfortable (anything from spending too much money on something, to going on a date with someone of questionable moral value).  On more than one occasion I have said to my sister or my best friend "I might need you to talk me off that ledge".  I guess what I'm saying is this: this is one ledge I don't want to be talked off of. 

As far as the wait goes, my mom is determined that we will be traveling this year to meet Haven.  She has decided that we have at least 30 weeks before anything significant will happen so we have plenty of time to lose some weight.  Thirty pounds, to be precise.  I'll keep you updated on both the weight and the wait.