The other view point

I received my first negative comment from my last post and I wanted to provide differing view points.  I have had the privilege of watching this blogger go from adopting in Vietnam to switching to a successful domestic adoption and I am very happy for her and her husband.  It is important to understand that NOT every case is the same.  I believe every family has to make a decision that they are comfortable with and she may feel she has to defend her decision and/or her birthmother.  Not true!  No adoptive parent should be forced to defend their decision to adopt from one place or another!  Every child is deserving of a loving family regardless of where they are born or who they are born to.  Believe it or not, I did explore domestic adoption, but I was NOT comfortable as a single person choosing to raise a child that had been exposed to drugs and/or alcohol in utero.  As a nurse I have seen the effects these substances have on children--some which are not apparent until the child is older.  

Besides your comment about "even strung out crack mamas" being offensive, I think you missed the mark on quite a few things here. Your view on domestic adoption is narrow. I have 3 single friends who have succesfully completed domestic adoptions this past year. And, as far as a birthmother picking a wealthy person over someone less well off, I think you are selling bithmothers WAY short. They want the best for their children. Period. Put yourself in their shoes...wouldn't you pick the family that you thought would give your child the best home possible? Not all birthmothers are as greedy as you have painted them to be. We are NOT wealthy people and made that very clear in our domestic profile, and still we were chosen by a birthmother. I think that maybe some deeper investigation into all of these things would lead you to a very different conclusion than the ones you have drawn.

While I am happy that she and her husband were able to successfully adopt domestically, I would like to point out that that is not the case for every would-be-family.  I know far more people that had at least one failed domestic adoption before finally beginning their family than those that were successful on their first match.

1. Not all state adoption laws are created equal.
2. I also know singles that have adopted domestically in my state--they either adopted a special needs kid from foster care or they adopted a child that was exposed to illegal drugs or alcohol.  I have a friend that was called just last week and was pressured into making a decision--to begin the adoption proceedings for a child that had been exposed to cocaine several times throughout the pregnancy. 
3. Believe it or not, marital status does matter.  This was something I was reminded of by EACH domestic agency that I contacted.  Some refused to even consider me because I was single. I was repeatedly told that I would not be considered by many birthmothers because they do, as this commenter noted, want the best for their child.  For many that includes a two-parent household.  Believe me, I understand.  I want my children to have a two-parent household also!  

I urge any prospective adoptive parent to fully investigate any route they choose--whether domestic or international.  Familiarize yourself with the requirements and/or laws that govern those locations.  INTERVIEW.  That's right, interview as many people as you can so you can make an informed decision that you are comfortable with.  When I began looking into adoption several years ago I sought out people that that had adopted domestically and internationally.  Find out who they worked with...did they do a good job?  It's more than asking if they are successful with matching babies to families.  I sought out singles since they represent my demographic and are going to face a different set of issues.  Don't make any rash decisions and don't let anyone scare you into accepting a referral you aren't comfortable with.  This will be a decision that doesn't just affect you--it will affect that child!  You need to be the best parent to that child that you possibly can be.

I do apologize if I came across as making birthmothers greedy, that was certainly not my intent.  As I said in my previous post "Even if they don't feel they can raise their own child, they still want to find a family that can give them everything they can't".  I sincerely believe that, but I would be foolish to not believe that my financial situation doesn't play a part in that decision.  I grew up wearing hand-me down clothes while everyone else wore brand-name.  Believe me, I'd like to give my children the things that I didn't have.  

I wish that deeper investigation would have revealed something different, I truly do.  It has been three years since I initially started looking into domestic adoption and every year or so I look into it again, only to be disappointed to learn that things have not changed much in that time. 

I am always glad to hear from people that have had positive adoption experiences because it reminds me that it is possible.  They are such wonderful sources of information for families that decide to go that route.  In fact, when one of my single friends began looking into domestic adoption, I forwarded this commenter's blog to her because I hoped it would be a good resource (along with another MN single girl that successfully completed a domestic adoption).  My friend is fortunate, she doesn't live here!