Big Day

Sunday I woke up several time during the night with the same burning thought “oh my goodness, I am going back to work in (fill in the blank) hours!”  To say I was dreading it would be stating it mildly.  It’s not just leaving the Spud all day, it was concerns about returning to the job—hours and other things.  Things that I am not going to delve into on a public blog. 

I woke up early and snuck in the back door at 6:40 AM.  I had a performance review first thing (I know, scary right?).  I knew I really needed to hit the ground running.  Hard to do when the work I do is so technical and I had received a lot of training immediately BEFORE leaving on maternity.  Maybe my brain is backwards, but I need a LOT of repetition to remember things and I certainly did not have that.  There is a lot of pressure on me to perform and perform early and accurately. 

So you are all probably gasping, but I didn’t cry before I left for work or while I was at work.  And I didn’t even have a moment to call home (my dad is home with the Spud this week) until noon.  I have to admit, despite not wanting to go back it really wasn’t bad at all.  They even threw a “welcome back” surprise party.  I’m sure tomorrow will be more difficult and next week when I have to leave him at daycare will be harder for me. 

My dad said when Spud woke up he looked around for me.  I felt both relieved and saddened to hear that.  I was so happy to come home and see him again.  I was the most impatient driver trying to get home.  If it wouldn’t have been over-the-top rude I would have honked at people to get out of the way. When I got home my Dad had two things to tell me:

1. The boy knows how to clear a room.
2. Not much of a cuddler, is he?

Evidently he left a pretty toxic butt biscuit in a diaper today and my dad finally got a chance to see just how busy the little guy is.  He also got to see him take a few steps.  It sounds like such a small thing, but I was so excited!  Even tonight it made me tear up when he walked right into my arms.  Tonight he fell asleep in my arms while I rocked him to sleep with a bottle.  I held him long after my arm fell asleep.  Ah, I am going to miss these moments.  He is growing so much every day.  It makes me crazy to think about all the changes he has had over the last few months. 

Now:  

Then: