Chewable Pampers

 

I saw this skit on SNL a few weeks ago and I almost shot a popcorn kernel out my nose I was laughing so hard.  I thought of it again today when I looked outside and saw a mangy mutt gnawing on one of Spud’s frozen butt biscuits (diapers). 

So how did a mutt find Spud’s diapers, you ask?  Because I am lazy.  The Spud enjoys all things trash related—he even wakes up early on the day the trash truck comes by (thanks a lot for that, trash man)—so trash is not safe in our home.  Trash cans whether they are bathroom, bedroom or kitchen are routinely dumped out and scattered about.  That particular kitchen bag had a load of his nasty diapers and the meat packaging from some beef and pork I had cooked up. Obviously I didn’t want him getting into it and gnawing on the bloody packages or on a dirty diaper (yes, the boy gnaws on diapers).  So I emptied the trash can and put the full bag over by the back door thinking he would focus on the trash can.  No good.  So I popped the door and left it right outside fully intending to attend to it after he went to bed. 

Unfortunately the big trash bin that is picked up by the trash man was at the end of the driveway on the other side of the house.  By the time I recalled that I needed to get it and bring it back around it was too late.  For whatever reason I can never recall that I need to pull it back to the house before the sun goes down.  If I go out after dark I am forced the drag the noisy thing the length of my driveway and over a very bumpy walnut covered yard.  This inflames every dog in the neighborhood and since we don’t have any streetlights the owners of these dogs then turn on their houselights to investigate why their dogs are barking their balls off.

So I accidently left my trash outside for a day or two or four which is why I found that nasty dog trying to eat baby butt paste out of Spud’s diapers.  Fortunately, those nasty diapers were frozen solid.  They were like bricks and not very edible.  At least not until Spring.