Confession

I have a confession.

I am a heterosexual.

That’s right.  I’m not ashamed, I am not closeted.  I am a girl that likes boys.

This might sound crazy to you, but you have to realize a couple of things. 

I live in the gayest city outside of San Francisco.  I don’t say this to be offensive.  Far from it, I have a lot of gay friends and enjoy what they have brought to our community.  We are often referred to as the gay Mecca of the Midwest and our tourism industry actually highlights this fact.  On the last census it was noted that we had the largest concentration of single men and this fact even made it into O magazine.  I almost blew soda out of my nose when I read that fact because it was used to encourage single women that single men, are in fact, abundant.  A single man is an unmarried man.  The reason we have so many “single” men is because they are not legally allowed to marry the partners they prefer.   A number of large businesses in this town offer same sex partner benefits which also draws a lot GBLT individuals.  In this town a transgendered individual is not stared at no matter where he is in his transformation. 

So here is what we know:

1. I am single.
2. I’m over 3o years-old.
3. I live in the second gayest city in the country.
4. And I just adopted a child.

Do you see where I am going with this?  Because I work in healthcare I work with a lot of women, a great number who are lesbians.  At first I didn’t notice anything suspicious, but then I realized that when I walk through the lunch room, lesbians that I DO NOT KNOW are waving or nodding at me.  A very unfriendly woman who is quite the challenge to work with has been very sweet with/on me.  She was sweet before she knew about the adoption, but now I am enduring kisses on the forehead and cheeks and LOOOONNG hugs.  She has a partner who could easily kick my butt into next week.  I was telling one of her close friends about it and she told me that in all the time that she known her (and they are good friends) this woman has never once hugged her. 

I have received a lot of support from the lesbians in my large workforce.  Women that I really don’t know.  They have provided goods for the Spud, friendship and one of them even provided a sizeable financial donation while I was on an unpaid maternity leave. 

I’m sure I haven’t helped matters either with my appearance.  I  barely wear make-up any more.  Spud has ripped out my earrings (so I don’t wear them anymore), necklaces, bracelets, etc.  so I don’t wear them either.  Since becoming a mom I have become frumpy and dumpy looking (now that I am saying that lesbians looking frumpy, but my weight gain has certainly not helped me, ok?). 

As some of you know, I am a stickler for telling the truth, the whole truth.  The other day while I was waiting for the elevator I was talking to two lesbians that I work with and a really hot guy walked by.  I admit, he was drool worthy and I stared.  After he was past I said to the two ladies “wow, he is really cute!”  They looked at my like I was crazy and said, “are you crazy?”

That’s when I knew.  I am a closeted heterosexual.  It’s not that I care terribly about their confusion, but I don’t like living a lie.   I think the fact that I am not in a relationship and have no plans in the immediate future to be a in a relationship make me an oddity.  I think I am probably hard to figure out as a result (see the above mentioned facts in the first part of the post) and because of where I live people just make assumptions.  Incorrect assumptions.  I feel like I am leading an entire community on and now I am feeling really uneasy/guilty when they offer me something, especially those long hugs.

What do I do?  How, or do I even try to *straighten* this out?

Inquiring minds want to know.