11:33 PM
{11:33 pm—an untouched photo}
In motherhood I have struggled to find myself in it at times. Not that I lost myself, exactly, I am the same stubborn, life-loving, first-to-laugh, homebody that I ever was. In some ways these traits are even large—I laugh longer and deeper, I argue passionate and I look for a laugh where ever I can find it. I long to stay in my jammies all day one day a week and not leave the house. These things haven’t changed.
But I lost my time and I miss that the most at times. I’ve always felt fulfilled alone. I’m recharged in my solitude and quiet time. I love having a few hours to get lost in my own head and dream. I love to dream.
Now that Duc is older he doesn’t need to sleep as much and my time is being encroached upon. Someday I will wake up and he won’t be there and I will long to hear his voice calling my name in the night, telling me stories and singing me songs at 3:14 AM. I won’t hear his bounding feet echo through the house. I know I will miss it.
But for now I miss my time. I steal it where I can and like every mother I have learned to juggle a number of tasks at once. Now, I find my time in a mindless sink of soapy dishes, jamming to Kings of Leon on the iPod and thinking slightly dirty thoughts. Yes, this is my time.
5 comments:
i don't know why this post left me smiling. i guess only because i relate to it on so many levels... :)
Oh how I can relate!
I feel so much like this that it's a little scary. I wouldn't trade Petunia for anything in the world, but I do miss my quiet time. Oh, how I miss it.
I so hear your too. And I know for me if I don't get some me time eventually, I become one cranky momma. I hope you can find some me time too.
I'm not sure when I came across your blog, but when I did, I bookmarked it. I only wish I remembered it! I see you haven't posted in months, but I went back and read some of your previous posts. Wow. I find myself wishing for more. Duc is so handsome. My Linhsey is from Vietnam, and I have a daughter from China also.
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