Standing Still...

Things are pretty much at a stand still right now.  I called my doctor this morning.  Not in.  I asked to speak to her scheduler.  Also not in.  They wouldn't reschedule me with someone else until talking to the doctor on Monday.  OOOKKKKAAAAYYY.  I guess I'll be calling again Monday.  I guess it doesn't really matter since I haven't heard from the agency yet.  I did finally receive my new packet from my SW.  I suppose I will be filling that out this weekend.  I can never tell how much faith to put into what I read on-line. 

I think I need to stay away from the yahoo VN sites.  In many ways they remind me the China sites, specifically RQ and I end up feeling anxious.  I sometimes wonder if it is the prospective adoptive parents (PAPs) that create a sense of urgency for the US and VN that wouldn't normally exist. I don't know.  I'm too new to everything to be able to say definitely one way or another.  It certainly is true of the China program.  If I had followed what the China sites had said prior to working on my China dossier, I never would have applied!  I guess this is what faith is all about. 

Strangely enough, my eating habits and exercise routine has improved since starting this process again.  I am, and will probably always be, a stress eater.  It got worse this summer after I lost my job and even after I started my new job, I was still night binging due to stress/anxiety.  Yeah, I know, a Xanax would do me a world of good, but I really prefer to try to deal with my feelings instead of medicating them.  I think a big part of my anxiety was in indecision over the VN situation.  In some way, it was always in the back of my mind and I couldn't quite escape the son that I knew was out there.  Anyway, I've been going to the gym regularly, and are you ready for this, I had a salad and vegetable soup for lunch.  The lunch ladies never ask me what I want anymore, they automatically grab the chicken strips and mashed potatoes for me.  In fact, I went through a self-serve salad line today and one of the lunch ladies asked "no chicken today?"  Nope!  I eat so healthy at home (yeah, I know, I binge on things like yogurt and pineapple) and it is time to do that at work.  Besides it just weighs me down and makes me feel sleepy all afternoon.  I keep this image of my children in mind and I want to be healthy for them.  I need to be healthy for them.  I don't want to be the fat, out of breath American in VN or China.