Dealing

As you may have figured out, I am working through some things. My coping skills haven’t changed much over the years—prayer and music. My brain and heart have been turning themselves inside out the last few days. They just can not line up, but things have been getting clearer. I have my first paying photo shoot next week and it is going to be a lot of fun. I don’t think you would ever believe me if I told you what kind of photography we are doing:) If you email me I will tell you all about it. The person I am photographing told several people, and they told several people and it looks like I will have about FIVE sessions coming up. Wow, talk about taking the guess work out of it! I guess I can finally let that issue go.

The other…hasn’t been as easy. So I pray. And I kiss my son and count my blessings.

Tonight as we were driving home I turned on the radio and the answer came to me in a song. It’s from the new U2 CD (which I recently purchased), but I had never heard the song before.

I know a girl who's like the sea
I watch her changing every day for me
Oh yeah

One day she's still, the next she swells
You can hear the universe in her sea shells
Oh yeah

No, no line on the horizon, no line

I know a girl with a hole in her heart
She said infinity is a great place to start

She said "Time is irrelevant, it's not linear"
Then she put her tongue in my ear

No, no line on the horizon, no line
No, no line
No, no line on the horizon, no line
No, no line
The songs in your head are now on my mind
You put me on pause
I'm trying to rewind and replay
Every night I have the same dream
I'm hatching some plot, scheming some scheme

And it suddenly became clear. There is no line on the horizon. There is no line in the sand. No line I can’t cross or something or someone holding me back. I looked at what I believe, what I believe to my core—a belief I hold so dear that I am naming my business after this philosophy. The break through I needed was in front of me. It’s still scary, but my faith is renewed. The truth is that none of us know what tomorrow holds for us tomorrow. To be happy you have to live for the moment—EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. OF. THEM. As the song said, time is irrelevant and infinity is a great place to start. Start from what I know and work towards what I don’t.

Breathe in, breathe out. Repeat.