Sweet Surrender

Do you ever wonder what would happen if you just let go? Let go of all the things that limit you and keep you in the spot that you are living in. I think I am like most people. I define myself by who I am at this time. I’m not the same woman I was seven months ago, and I’m certainly not the same woman I was when I was at age twenty-seven or twenty-four years-old. I define myself by what I am—a mother, first and foremost, but I am also a daughter, a sister, a friend, a co-worker. I define myself by where I am in my life—a new mom preparing to embark on an exciting/scary new career path (part-time!), a woman that wants to return to school once the child(ren) start school. A homeowner. A job with projects slated through the end of this year. All these things root me to where I am.

Sometimes I get wound up in all these details, all these pieces that I use to define who I am. But what can happen when I let it all go and remember that the only things that matter aren’t ‘things’? Duc. Me. That is what matters. When you let go and let God really use you, take you where he wants you an amazing thing happens. There is a joy to be had in the sweet, sweet surrender. Sometime between Thursday evening and Friday morning I found a peace that can only come from a battle worn place. I keep thinking that I should have more faith, know more, lead with my head and not my heart—but I’m human. And I’m me. And change does not come easy. I had to do some growing and stretching in ways that I don’t like, but I am better for it. So I gave up the fight—the struggle between what I define as right or wrong for our lives. But did I really lose? Somehow, I don’t think I did.

I love this photo of my dad and my niece. Obviously I don’t have memories of my father from when I was this age, but I can only imagine it looked something like this. I love that he looks so dark next to the lily white skin of my niece. I am surprised sometimes to see the pieces of us in her. She may have the face of her paternal uncle, but she has my coloring and has the little hands so common in my family. Did I mention she also has ONE auricular pit—Duc and I both have bilateral pitting. I love that my son has the same hereditary, genetic anomaly that members of my family also share.

Did I mention that I picked up my new lens yesterday? Oh, yes, I am in heaven! I have my first session this week and I am so looking forwarding to giving my new lens a work out (the above photo was taken with a 50 mm, but the one above it was with my new lens. I just love the clarity and detail!).

I owe a big thank you to all of you who prayed for me. I certainly felt it and I am so thankful that in this strange world of e-friends that you care enough for us to want the best for us. Thank you.