Thursday, January 29, 2009

Where do we fit in?

Addendum:  Spud’s Uncle Mike came over and shoveled us out.  I went out to help, but after about 10 minutes the Spud was crying so hard I had to stop (oh my goodness—it broke my heart!  His little face was red and covered in snot.  Evidently there is a little more separation anxiety going on than I thought).  Fortunately my neighbor saw Michael shoveling alone and came over and helped him finish. Thank GOD I have the support system that I have!

I have been a single girl for a long enough time to be referred to as a single woman, and now I struggle to see where I we fit in with this new dynamic. 

The dynamic changes somewhat when a woman skips the whole marriage thing and goes directly to family.  I grew up in a conservative Christian family within a conservative Christian community where nice single girls do not have babies by themselves.   Lest you think I am, like, 60 years old I will remind you that small, rural mid-western communities take a long while to catch up to the rest of the country.  After all, this particular town is still proudly sporting a mullet—a look that hasn’t been acceptable since Billy Ray’s Achy Breaky Heart went mainstream.

Although I have grown up and am certainly not a conservative, I still have some conservative values and I attend a Christian church.  I say all this because I am trying to figure out where I fit in.  I was reading this month’s AF magazine and one of the questions posed was how is a single woman with a new baby supposed to do it all without feeling overwhelmed?  Their advice was to reach out in your circles of friends and create new ones through a variety of resources—including faith based ones.  I am fortunate that I do not feel overwhelmed (at least not while I am pretending to be a stay at home mom for a while).  We just don’t have single moms at my church nor have I been able to identify any divorced moms that I might be able to reach out to. 

I enjoy my church more than any church I have ever attended, but I struggle to see where the Spud and I will fit in in the long haul.  There aren’t any adopted children at his church, but we do have a number of Asian families that attend (mostly Korean).  I don’t know any other single moms so there aren’t any children without fathers that Spud will be able to identify with.  They are really trying to increase the number of events for theirs members to socialize in, but I struggle even there.  I am not over 40 (one such group) and I am not married with children, and while I could attend the 20/30 year singles group, I am hardly a single any more.  I am 1 + 1/2.

So, does anyone have any advice for me? 

Contrary to what I thought, Spud has not drastically changed me or my life.  What I mean is that all the things I did before, I still do, I just bring him along.  I am very fortunate that he is up for anything and enjoys hanging out with people.  I think I have mentioned this before, but I will say it again, that boy will skip naps and food just to hang out with people (that was the reason for our HORRIBLE flight home from VN—he wouldn’t sleep or eat for the duration). 

The Spud and I have been snowed in for the last three days.  Yep, we have been stuck in the house since Monday afternoon.  There is more than a foot of snow outside my door and I today I can’t even see my car tires.  Unfortunately because of cold-induced asthma I can’t do a darn thing about it.  My dad bought us tickets to a Home Show on Saturday, but unless someone volunteers to dig me out, we are effectively stuck until it gets warm enough to melt. 

The Spud doesn’t seem to mind.

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Those little “bumps” in the snow are my outdoor lights.

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This little face kills me!  He is just so beautiful!

4 comments:

kris January 29, 2009 at 7:27 PM  

I wish I had any advice about how to find your niche... but I am at a loss. I know who to ask though and can get back with you :) LOVE the pics but am happily not buried in snow, even though I find it beautiful and loved it as a kid!

Anonymous January 30, 2009 at 6:35 AM  

Love those pics of spud!!!
oma

Cobalt Dragon January 30, 2009 at 8:35 AM  

I feel your pain - I have attended a few single parent meetups I found on meetup.com and a couple of adoptive parent ones, too. They're ok, but all the single parents are divorced and just seem to want to talk about divorce or dating new people - neither of which I'm interested in at the moment. The adoptive ones have been so-so, the moms are much more involved and so being one of the few men there is limiting.

We still enjoy our time with my friends and whatnot, but it would be fun to have some local single-adopter friends.

Let me know if you find something :)

Kelli February 2, 2009 at 10:01 AM  

I so know what you mean. I seem to relate more to APs but it would be nice to meet some single parents, especially single parents who have adopted.

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About This Blog

This started as my story, but has evolved to OUR story. This is the story of life as a single parent to a wonderful little boy while we wait for baby sister. China LID 2.12.07.


But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, be patient! For it will surely take place. It will not be late by a single day.
Habakkuk 2:3

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