Monday, January 26, 2009

Who peed in your cornflakes?

People frequently ask how the Spud and I are doing and my response after we got through the first two weeks home is “Good!” and I mean it.  The first 10-12 days home was absolute hell that I hope to never repeat (hopefully my daughter will adjust to the time difference easier, but I also realize she will probably not be as easy as my son). 

He truly is an easy baby and as I’ve said all along—he makes this look easy.  He also makes up for all my inadequacies as a parent.  The truth is he is just a very easy going child.  For some reason, however, people love to say “well, you just wait until he hits the terrible twos and threes” or laughing they will say “you won’t think he’s such a good boy when he is a teenager!” 

Adoptive parents take another route, '”wow, it just shows you how awful his time in the orphanage was.  If they took better care of him he wouldn’t be so shell-shocked” or “once he begins to feel safe he will start to open up more”. 

I find both of these responses somewhat offensive.  While I realize the Spud and I have only been a family for a little less than six weeks, I do know his moods.  I know when he is worried, happy, hungry, curious, etc.  At his core he is just an easy going little guy.  This was apparent to the orphanage staff which I suspect may be why he was one of the favorites.  When I was visiting the orphanage the day before the G&R the staff told me they called him “Bubbly” because he was outgoing.

According to the international adoption MD he has absolutely NO delays—physically, developmentally, or attachment wise.  In fact, he is ahead in some ways.  And yes, I know that he won’t always smile at me just because I smiled at him (that will be a sad day).  I know that someday he will try to set limits and assert his independence (terribly 2/3s and teens) and that we will both have some growing pains when that occurs, but why do parents that don’t know me, and especially don’t know my son, insist on telling me that he will someday be a monster?  I know he won’t always be like this.  He will grow up, but I suspect at his core his temperament won’t change much.    

People love to guess what he will become based on how he responds to things.  He studies people quite intently—it is interesting to watch.  He studies faces—expressions, changes in voice inflection, he loves to listen to me laugh.  Today as I was watching him I thought “here is a boy that will work with people”.  He could be an anthropologist, sociologist.  I think he will make a great public speaker someday.  Any time I turn the TV on he tries to talk to it.  Same thing at church.  He thinks it is call and respond kind of service.  The preacher says something, Spud talks back.  Back and forth they go.  However, he does have a strong attraction to computer equipment.  He goes ape every time he sees a keyboard (seriously, he starts grunting like an ape) and he LOVES to watch the screensaver on the computer monitor.  The tech guys at work saw him in action and thought he could be a mechanical engineer.

I don’t care what he does—just as long as he is healthy and happy.018


Sandra & Steve January 27, 2009 at 9:10 AM  

You're in love with your son, that's how its supposed to be...I'm glad you're not letting anyone rain on your parade so to speak. I'm sure the remarks are just casual stock comments, with no ill intent but its still amazing how many folks don't think before they speak. Delurking to say I've followed your blog for a long while, have my own baby home from VN since April-08 - she's like your son, on track, even ahead, happy and easy going. We're just the lucky ones, aren't we?!

Michelle January 27, 2009 at 10:13 AM  

I'm glad he's adjusted so well. What an amazing little boy!

mary kate January 27, 2009 at 5:43 PM  

Why people don't seem happy to see others who are happy--I'll never know!! You have a beautiful family (at last) and your son is an angel---why does it have to be any other way!! "Terrible twos" are also a matter of how you look at it---children asserting their independence, testing boundaries, etc is another milestone toward becoming adults. When our children reach another milestone, we should rejoice--it means they are on track and developing well! So enjoy your son, enjoy being a mom and when those terrbile twos arrive, enjoy those as well--it all seems to go so quickly!!

Cinnamon January 27, 2009 at 7:32 PM  

I basicaly second what mary kate said. The doc said Liam is really on track too (maybe it's those Danang boys or cause they were such great buds). I was suprised at how well he has adjusted and how on target he is. Jade was not as much and took more work but she was and is more of a snuggler. All kids are different. It is just how you look at it (as MK said). I think D is just adorable and thought he was such a people person the few moments I meet him.

kris January 28, 2009 at 10:32 AM  

love the ending line to this- and I totally agree that our essence doesn't change... the core pretty much stays the same :O) was true for me anyway according to my mom! i find it strange that people feel the need to pass on this kind of "assvice" about how things are going to turn out for your you and your Spud... it's just strange!


About This Blog

This started as my story, but has evolved to OUR story. This is the story of life as a single parent to a wonderful little boy while we wait for baby sister. China LID 2.12.07.

But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, be patient! For it will surely take place. It will not be late by a single day.
Habakkuk 2:3

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