Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha' goin' to do?

You know how your mother told you to stay away from bad boys?  Yeah, I've done a pretty good job of it for years, but how could I have predicted that hanging out at the police station would lead to hanging out with misfits?

I've been enjoying my citizens police academy class.  Today we were "deputized", but I had a hard time holding up my right hand and repeating after the officer when he was a goofball (in a good way) with a gun.  Today we learned about domestic violence calls and what makes a felony vs. misdemeanor in our state.  It was an interesting, if not difficult, class to sit through.  Perhaps because I am a bit more aware of those issues since my mother counsels people (mostly women and children) following rape or sexual assault.  I know that many cops, even in this town but probably more so in the rural town she lives in, don't view domestic abuse or domestic sexual assault as a crime and as a woman it was hard for me to sit in the passively in the class and listen to how officers view it from their side. 

We also covered accident reconstruction and investigation and I will never look at our streets the same.  I now know what the paint markings on the road mean, the various radio calls, and point of impacts on the road.  We've had a number of pedestrian vs. car accidents in the last 24 hrs and they talked about how you can tell how fast the driver was going based on where the pedestrian body landed on the car.  You can bet I'll be checking out the damage photos in the newspaper now.

Following class we were in the car lot working up a reconstruction of an accident when another cop car pulled up.  I recognized the person riding shotgun as one of the ED nurses I work with.  After talking with her and the other cop, I think I'm going to look into doing some ride around shifts with them.

The more I sit through class and listen to the officers talk, I realize that their department is really no different than being a nurse.  My dad is fond of repeating a Stephen King quote "SSDD".  Same sh*t, different day.  Or, in this case, same sh*t, different department. 

When my sister and I were shopping last week I was telling her about the classes (did you know you can approximate how drunk someone is by having their eyes track a slow moving object?  Yeah, it's cool) and she told me she could see me working as a cop.  I doubt I would pass the physical, but I do like the process of dissecting a situation and reconstructing the events.  Honestly, aside from the the guns, ammo, spit and curses it's not really different than what I am already doing. 

My nickname is the same throughout the hospital and no matter who is addressing me: trouble.  It doesn't matter if I am talking to the cafeteria direction, the janitor, the pulmonologist they all seem to believe that I am trouble.  So while I will admit the cops are some fun guys to hang out with, but I am a little afraid I could find trouble.  Even with them.

A week in Review

• I worked in the nursery this morning at church and for a change, I didn't hate it.  I know that sounds bad, but I never had visions of running my own daycare.  Children are a lot of work--especially if you have multiple children under 12 months old.  I was never one of those women who received a lot of personal satisfaction from babies crawling to her, but today, I did.  There were two other workers in the nursery and yet there was something very good for my soul about feeling babies in my lap and lying against my back.  I wasn't sure why they kept flocking to me, but for once, I did not mind a bit. 
• I'm going back to Dallas.  In fact, I will spend half of October in Dallas/Lewisville area so if anyone has any suggestions about places to eat or things to do, I'm all ears!  My boss insisted that I complete these courses before the end of the year and I was left with no other options.  I'm hoping this will be the end of it so I can start planning my vacation later this year.
• Speaking of which, I don't think Kristen and I will be taking a trip to Hawaii this year.  With any luck she will be a MOM sometime in the next 6-8 weeks.  Yay!  I'm so excited and ready to be an auntie to a new little girl.  So it appears I will be flying east to visit Chennie and Peter.  I haven't had any good dim sum in nearly two years and that's reason enough to visit! 
• NO ON-CALL!!!!  I was quite nervous to open the October on-call schedule because I was dreading to see how many soul-robbing, life-stealing, sleepless weeks I would on-call and the answer is ZERO.  Thank you, Jesus!  I liked having the little bit of extra income, but I like feeling like a human more.
• My sister and I took our annual shopping trip yesterday.  I know it sounds like a big deal, but I should tell you that my sister and I are not terribly big shoppers.  The reason for the trip is because I will generally buy clothes once a year--yeah, I know that sounds crazy, but it is true.  Not only did I get a number of new pants (I definitely needed them after eating my way through all the stress of this summer), but I also bought several summer tops on sale for only a few dollars.  It was awesome!  Within 60-90 minutes we both had everything that we needed.  Yep, our annual shopping trip is short and sweet!    
• I have been working on some blog posts about my post September 1st feelings, but I'm not ready to put them out there.  They are dated and eventually I may put them out there, but I am still processing through things.  Just an FYI in case some of my future posts seem a little dated.
• Why is it still so stinkin' hot?  It's almost October and I'm ready for some cooler temperatures.   

Weirdness Abounds

**I've begun to wonder if the crazy, poisoner was actually a prisoner. I know a lot of places employ prisoners because it is cheap labor. That really makes me nervous. I'm going to have to start paying for all the credit checks I'm having run**

I took today off from work so I could sleep. Truly, I am that tired and overworked. Would you like to guess what woke me up at 11:07 am? Not the cat (although she had been obnoxious), not the lawn mower down the road--it was a low flying plane. Yep, I seriously grabbed the cat and hit the deck and said, "oh, sh**!". Yeah, my sister and I have had the conversation that nearly every time I encounter something life defying that my response is "oh sh*t!". I'm not proud, I truly am not. I'm afraid one of these times it is going to be the big one and the last words I utter before encountering the pearly gates is going to be "oh sh*t". Hopefully God has a sense of humor.

The other weirdo moment happened last night. I HATE receiving advertisements from credit card companies, I hate that they sell my personal information to other vendors so that THEY can also harass me. So when I saw the opt-out insert they tucked behind my last bill, I wanted to make a point of calling. When I called a husky voiced from a wo/man (not too sure, folks) answered. When I told him/her what I wanted s/he asked why I called this number. Considering I had just given her my credit card number I started getting very nervous, especially since this is on the heels of the PayPal Fiasco of my birthday (someone stole my account and bought an Audi car). I explained that the number I called was the number that was provided. So s/he was chatty and was asking about if I had been affected by Hurricane Ike. It seems kind of stupid to even admit it since I live in the Midwest, but yeah, we got hit kind of hard. Besides Texas, we were the next state with the highest number of lives lost due to the storm. S/he asks about the storm twice (what the heck?). Then she finishes my transaction. I asked her what I needed to do since I am planning on going overseas in a couple of months. She then starts telling me to take Immodium because of the food. Honestly, I've eaten some foods both here and abroad that I'm not proud of. The last thing I want to do is sssllllooooww their exit out of me. You understand?

At this point s/he realizes I'm a nurse and starts telling me about her cheating ex-husband. She says since you are a nurse you will understand this, "I started dosing him with spironolactalone and an anti-psychotic and he was not the same after that."

Ok, does that scare you at all? Honestly, it did me. I didn't even know some of the effects of spironolactalone until recently (among other things it suppresses testosterone) but having some fruit loop on the phone admit to poisoning someone, well, that's just not right. That reminds me, I probably need to check my credit again...

Perspective

It's all about perspective. Sometimes it is easy to get pulled down into the mire of everyday life and when you are in the pit you can't see the beauty that still exists. As I've alluded to, there have been some very difficult things going on in my life that have absolutely nothing to do with adoption (how is that for perspective!) and I sometimes can't see the silver lining. I'm still looking for it one particular case, but what happened today was a reminder of just how precious and fleeting life is.

Nearly seven months ago, a co-worker and dear friend lost her husband suddenly to coronary heart disease. It was the kind of heart attack that kills instantly--no amount of CPR, defibrillation, medications or surgical intervention would have made a bit of difference. It was hard on all of us to see a young life snuffed out so abruptly.

Today another dear friend (she has been a silent star of my blogs on more than one occasion) received some difficult news. Her husband went in for some tests to rule out coronary heart disease since they felt the problem was actually related to something else. She was stunned to learn that he has occlusions in five coronary vessels and the cardiologists told her the one occlusion is called "the widow maker". I'm sure you can figure that out. He will need to cardiac bypass surgery quickly. He is a active, young, and has a healthy diet--this was an absolute surprise.

After meeting with her, I decided that our mutual friend and co-worker needed to know, no matter how difficult. Her response initially surprised me, but I got it. She said, "Thank God. At least she knows."

It's all about perspective. She did not know her husband had the same coronary heart disease until it was too late. At least this friend and her husband will have the opportunity to seek treatment and make changes that will prolong his life. Now I pray that some of my family gain the same perspective before it is too late.

Perspective.

It is well with my soul

Finding my Balance

I'm sorry for all the kvetching on this blog, I truly am.  I realized today that I have had a lot of upheavals over the last few weeks, but when I look back at the past year I see that it wasn't much better either.  Loss of job, adoption issues, loss of relationships in my life, and other ailments that I'd rather not mention on a public blog.  It's been a lot.  And now I need to find my balance.  Find my peace.  Catch my breath.  Slow down.  Ahhhh. 

It won't be easy, especially if my job has anything to say.  I'm not sure how to navigate through that.  Having worked for this company before I can tell you that they ask for more, more, more even after you have dropped from exhaustion.  It's a very different environment from my last job and I truly miss some things about it. 

Ever notice how when something truly awful happens, God comes along and gives you a little something to remind you that life is still good?  Well, Tuesday after I had slept a couple of hours I was still feeling puny.  Unfortunately, I actually become physically ill  (dizzy, nauseous...you get the picture) from all the stress and lack of rest and sleep so I really debated going to my citizen's police academy class.  I had already missed the previous week since I was in Atlanta, but I didn't want to miss anymore despite how crappy I felt. 

Boy, and I glad I went!  We covered car stuff--specifically, evasive maneuvers.  OH MY GOODNESS it was so much fun!  I got in the cop car and the Sergeant was weaving in and out of the orange cones forward...and in reverse.  Then, if that wasn't fast enough, she would take the car up to 50-60 miles an hour, hit the brakes and slide to make a fast turn.  And the donuts...the backward car donuts.  It. was. too. much. fun!  The instructors were very entertaining and as a nurse I certainly could relate to the stories--cop and nurse stories always sound remarkably similar.  The class has a very diverse mix of people from all nationalities and languages.  Professional and laborers.  Retirees and the unemployed student.  Plus, one of the students is actually the local police beat reporter so I am sure I will have some interesting photos to share with everyone. 

Peace. 

Waterboarding and other such tortures

There are all kinds of tortures out there that we use on the enemy and they on us.  If you know yourself well, you know precisely which ones will break you (did ya'll see GI JANE?  Great example).  I can withstand a lot of pain.  I could probably even handle beatings, but I have always known that sleep deprivation would break me faster than anything else.  Well, today I was finally broken. 

I have had one day off since September 1st.  To clarify, I mean a day that I haven't been on-call or been forced to use my personal time for work time.  After being in Atlanta all last week, traveling back late Friday (for which I wasn't paid for) I started non-stop on-call after only 5 hours of rest.  If anyone read through my Saturday rant you know how tired and stressed I was and now you will know how pissed I was that I was only paid 5 hours for 8 hours of work.  I did address this with my boss who bumped it up to 6 hours.  She seemed to think the fact that I was receiving time and a half pay should have influenced the number of hours I could bill for. 

I am a single woman.  As such I can not ask my 'honey' to take over chores that I can not finish.  This means that regardless of how many hours I work, I still have more work at home that can not be ignored.  If you follow that thought out a reasonable person would realize that if I am forced to work 14 hours and I still have 4 hours of home work, then I will be working for 18 hours.  So, yesterday I worked two hours over so it was 11:45 pm before my head hit the pillow.  At 1:47 am, the help desk calls me at home.  I was then forced to endure a conversation with the dumbest person I have never met.  Honestly, I am really hoping she has sort of vision impairment that will excuse her level of ineptitude.  It was so awful I told her to find someone, anyone that I could talk to instead to do her work for her (I wanted to tell her to find a patient since they were probably in better shape than she was). It was a challenge even with the second person.  Remember the whole conversation about "click the big red cancel button?" Yeah, it was that all over again and when I start getting that frustrated I begin talking very slowly and very softly.  This ignoramus actually had the nerve to ask me at 2 am why I sounded tired?!? 

After 45 minutes she had to take a break and said she would call back to finish the last item (the same thing we had already done twice!).  I called and left a voicemail for my boss in tears telling her we needed to talk because I couldn't do this anymore.  I was so exhausted, but the fear/anxiety associated with being jolted out of sleep by my phone ringing and knowing that there would be no end until next Monday, well, it broke me.  Every time I have tried to lay down and take a nap the last 3 days has resulted in being paged.  I finally broke.  I laid in bed crying and begging for sleep knowing that my body and mind were too messed up at this point to relax for sleep.  After an hour of lying there in agony I decided to get up and go about my day.  I wasn't getting paid to stay home and not sleep so I clocked in at work at 4:30 AM.  Let me tell you, I am some level of evil pissy when I am that tired.  Unfortunately, it didn't last long.  I was so tired sitting there with my trainer (who drove up from the Carolinas to work with me) that I actually started crying.  It wasn't even the fact that I was tired, it was that I was exhausted.  My boss took me off call for the rest of the week and I was instructed to finish up with the instructor and go home.  My instructor was awesome and told me she is the same way--rarely cries until she becomes exhausted.

So, now I am exhausted and embarrassed.  I felt like they made a big spectacle of it all (even though I know they took the steps they needed to take to let people know about the changes), but I still feel like a schmuck for not being able to pull my own weight.  I'm hoping this means I'm done for good.  There is no amount of money that numbs the pain of being on-call.  I am feeling so burned out right now that it makes it very difficult to go into work. 

The suspense!

Ok, be prepared that you are going to see a few more clips of Twilight until it is released on November 21st.  And I will be talking about the last book until I finish it.  I've decided to wait a few days before starting it since I know I won't be able to put it down once I start.  I know now that I can NOT give away any plot lines because Meredith (and others, I'm sure) are still reading.   Enjoy!

Go Away Ike, Tina's not here!

First off, I do not want to sound like I am making light of the devastation that Texas and surrounding states have suffered as a result of the hurricane. It truly is horrible. Even though what we have felt in the Midwest is really NOTHING compared with what the coast is receiving, I do think it truly shows the awfulness when even the Midwest is also hit.

Here is a video I shot this afternoon before the worst of it hit:

I felt like I was under attack because the black walnut tree 20 feet from my back door suddenly began raining walnuts and other debris onto my roof. Before the storm I had a bunch of leaves in my front yard but as you can see from the video, I won't be raking leaves! I lost my cable, internet and phone connection around 2 pm and the power sometime after that. Ugly. If we got this much damage from all these miles away, I have a hard time imagining the horror of what Texas received.

Ok, note to Kristen and Kate (Kate--I don't think I have your email or I would be emailing this instead!). I finished Eclipse and I am heart broken! I am so, so sad. Seriously, I wanted to cry but I was rushing off to meet my FCC families for an Autumn Moon Festival (yes, even without electricity!). I am sad for all of them, but especially Jake and Bella. I have never been in love with two men at once, but I did make the mistake of falling in love with my best friend (because he assured me it would be ok--I should not have fallen for that line!) and I am all too familiar with how horribly wrenching that pain is. Anyway, I'm sad but I don't know if I should just jump in and start reading Breaking Dawn or give myself a few days to digest it all. Some books just do that to me--I read The Lovely Bones a couple of years ago and I loved it, but I was terribly blue about it for several days. At least once a year I pull it out again to read, but I usually avoid parts of the book that make me cry. Same thing with Steel Magnolias; my version of the movie ends right after Julia Roberts has the baby. Real life is hard enough without adding fiction.

Whine-fest continues...enter at your own risk

Well, I did warn you that this blog was going to be fluff until I knew what I was going to do about this whole 'starting a family' thing.  So, be forewarned that I am feeling more than slightly whiney today which is better that the word I really want to use.  Unfortunately, the whinier I get the worse my language becomes and while it is one thing to say the words, it's another to actually write them.  That, and my mom reads.  Hi Mom!

If you thought my grump-fest was bad at 0730, it only intensified throughout the day.  Yeah, apparently the person that was supposed to be on-call for the new application decided that since I knew it fairly well that I could manage being on-call for both things.  So, by 5 pm this evening I had logged 16 calls.  Just to clarify, we usually only log 2, 3 at the most and some nights we can go all night without a call.  So, yeah, I was busy.  At least one of the calls took an hour to deal with because I had to call others in to solve it.  Between stupid *crap* (oh, I really want to use other words right now) and the frustrations over access, I'm really pissy.  Fortunately the Help Desk tech I was working with was an absolute sweetheart and he tried everything he could to make things easier.  He was so apologetic every time he called.  He even e-mailed my boss and told her all about the hard day I'd had, but that I had still been a joy to work with and that I had helped him out with a lot of issues.  I will admit, that did soften the stink of the day. 

Michael and I are going to tempt the on-call fates by seeing a movie later.  I figured if we waited until after the change of shift it *might* be better.  Generally speaking (and I realize that I am probably shooting myself in the foot and double-jinxing myself here) the night shifters are more self-sufficient. 

Anyway, enough whining.  I did want to comment about Atlanta though before I close this post.  I have to say, they are the coolest, nicest people ever even if it feels like they live in Satan's armpit.  Honestly, have you ever stewed in your own juices?  I've been told to not stew on things, but I seriously was stewing in my sweat and ick until I finally got in my car last night and cranked the air on.  I smelled like an old gym sock.  Did you know that the Atlanta Airport is the busiest in the world?  Me neither until I sat in the airport long enough to hear the ATL infomercial.  The number of people rushing by--it was amazing and it was great people watching.  I actually ditched class early because Rajani got out early and we were both going to try to get on standby for earlier flights.  Well, did you know that Delta doesn't allow stand-by flights?  They are happy to upgrade you to an earlier time for $50, but can not guarantee a seat. What kind of crap is that?  Anyway, we did some shopping, rode the train A LOT from concourse to concourse and just enjoyed each other's company.  It was really nice to make a friend on my travels.  And to think I came prepared to finish reading Eclipse!  Note to Kristen and Kate--I just finished reading the chapter where Bella tries to get it on with Edward and he instead proposes to her.  You both have weighed in on your book preferences, but so far I am really enjoying book 1 and 3 the most.  Of course, I still have one more to go so we will see if that still stands!

It was a little embarrassing to run into the instructor of the class I just ditched in the airport at the same coffee bar.  Yeah, he had a few words for me and I was tickled to find out his flight was actually leaving two hours before mine.  I'm sure that won't be last I see of Jeff so I will need to be well behaved for the next class.  The people are very nice in Atlanta.  Even at the airport.  I had ordered some food, but the staff gave me a broken tray so I was forced to lay the tray across my arm and hold the drink in the same hand while dragging my carry-on bag and purse with the other hand.  A pilot saw me struggling and insisted on helping.  By the time he came along I had finally figured it out and was fine, but it was still nice that he offered. 

The only thing hotter than Atlanta was my own stewin' city.  I'm not making this up--the humidity level according the the National Weather Service reported 96% humidity yesterday.  Evidently there was really bad weather before I came home and flooding has again ensued.  By the time Ike's effects reach us tomorrow we are going to be saturated. 

Oh, and if you are ever feeling ignored and that you need more attention, get a henna tattoo.  I swear, I've had more strangers of all nationalities come up to me the last few days and ask about it.  I think that because I am so pale, the brown stain is more prominent on me than it is on Indian women.  Even the Chinese dude at my fave Chinese take-out place with scary-ass tattoos commented on them this evening.  There for a second I knew I had some street cred...until I told him it was only henna.  I know it usually take 1-2 weeks to fade, but at this point I'm wondering if they will fade.  Like I said, very prominent.  Very attention grabbing.  I should be a hit at church and at the Autumn Moon Fest with the FCC kiddos tomorrow. 

Anyway, for those of you inland, enjoy your Ike fall-out tomorrow and for those of you on the coast I am very, very sorry.  Be safe.

Welcome Home--I'm on duty again

Can I just say how much being on-call poisons my work experience?  It is especially distasteful because what was supposed to only be temp has become permanent even after protestations.  Not only that, they don't even give me the tools to be on-call properly.  I finally got home from GA really late last night (any travel that occurred after 4 pm was unpaid, of course, so I am even more pissy since I got home late).  I drive directly from the airport to the Help Desk for an internet access card that isn't there.  There is only one access card in my dept and would you like to guess who has it?  I'm not going to go into the details for fear of hanging myself, but let's just say that person does not work on-call. 

I got paged at 7:30, which I slept through because I didn't get to bed until 2 am.  The Help Desk then called my cell phone which I finally heard.  They were paging me about an application I don't even have access to.  I think they had planned to load it on my laptop, but I have no idea if it is there because I can't access anything on my computer's desktop w/o some sort of access.  Argh.  And unfortunately once I am up, I am up all day even though I will be too tired and lazy now to actually do anything.

The best part?  I have 9 more days of this crap.  Gotta go, I hear my phone ringing again...

End of the vacation

I should know better than to watch a scary a$$ movies before going to bed, but I never learn. Fortunately, instead of feeling scared it is making me very sleepy. Do you ever have dreams where you think you can't fall asleep? Well, I'm watching "The Invasion" with Nicole Kidman and although it is supposed to be scary, it's only making me feel very, very sleepy. Very sleepy.

I had an enjoyable evening. I went shopping with my new friend Rajani. It was fun just to shop for me and I have ABSOLUTE iPhone envy. Seriously, I have a problem. My cellular contract is up for renewal in a few days and I have a free upgrade so I think I am going to cave. Just think--an iPod AND a phone. Plus all the other great features. Well, let's just say I have total iPhone envy. Oh, and I bought some make-up. It has been ages since I bought any make-up and it feels pretty good.

Say a prayer that I can get out of here tomorrow. Rajani and I are going to leave class early to try and avoid Friday evening rush hour traffic in Atlanta. I've been warned that it is worse than LA--ugh. I really want to get out of here before the weather gets nasty. Honestly, I don't know how coastal people survive--I would hate having hurricanes and other natural nastiness ruining my plans. Hopefully we won't see much from Ike up here; it just depends on how bad the storms get.

My henna tattoo is drawing a lot of attention. EVERYONE is asking about it. I peeled off the black henna (that you saw in the previous photos) and now it has left a nice golden-brown stain behind. Hmmm...I wonder if this will garner a "special" pat down tomorrow while going through security. Guess I better put on my pretty panties.

Day Two of my Faux Vacation

Well, I fell off the caffeine-free wagon by 10:30 this morning. Really, I had no other option. Have you tried sitting in an uncomfortably cold class room while the teacher droned on about 1.) things you already know and 2.) something in a foreign language. Honestly, I don't want to think about xml codes or whatever else he was talking about in my moments of lucidity.

My "vacation" got better at 3:30 when he let us out early and I decided to meet up with a woman in the hotel who is also taking one of the classes at the center. She is Indian and wanted to head over to the Global Mall to do some shopping and eat. I'm glad I went with her because I had a great time (although for the life of me I still can not keep her name in my head to save my life--I feel like a real schmuck--it's not even a hard name to pronounce, I just can't keep the vowels in the correct order). Anyway, we did some shopping and I had my first dosa, a southern India type of food. Very good! Oh, and you know how I wanted another tattoo? Yeah, well I sorta got a new one!

No worries, Mom, it's only henna! Afterwards he returned to the hotel and I am enjoying watching Fringe. I can't help it--I love Sci Fi and anything that looks remotely X-File-ish.

Kate--I am really trying to go slow through Eclipse. Honestly, this is the longest I have made it. The other books I devoured within 24 hrs and I know I will race right through Breaking Dawn. I hate the end of a good book series (I got weepy during the last chapter of the Harry Potter series). I can NOT wait until the movie comes out and I was giddy when I saw they were releasing it a few weeks early! I really hope the movie is good and they make movies out of the other three books!

Ahhh

Today has been a pretty sweet day. I left for Georgia (the flight was only 40 minutes late for a change), we arrived with some turbulence. My driver (yes, my driver!) was waiting for me. Not only was he waiting for me, he was driving a Lincoln Towncar. Honestly, if I'm going to be chauffeured, I really prefer the Towncar and I was feeling pretty psyched when I saw it! He even had a little driver's uniform on! He took me on a little tour of Atlanta and that was kind of nice. Mom told me that I need to ask him to take my photo in the car on Friday when I return to the airport.

I ended my day with some Chinese delivery and now I am curled up on the hotel couch, using free Wi-Fi and cruising the 50 of so cable channels on the TV. Oh yeah, baby, this is almost as good as a mini-vacation!

Michael pointed that that I am a magnet for natural disaster. So far in my travels I have had tornadoes, floods, typhoons, my plane has been hit by lightening, lost an engine and had an electrical fire (separate incidents). So I was obviously a little nervous about traveling south during hurricane weather. I had the option of Dallas or Atlanta and I'm thanking God now that I chose Georgia. Of course, just about the time I got settled in the heavens opened up and we had a huge storm. Hopefully it won't be any worse than just some rain.

Tomorrow morning class starts. I've been caffeine free for three weeks (honestly, with as anxious as I have been there was no need for anything extra) but I'm thinking I may have to break my fast tomorrow. Classes tend to be very intense and there is a lot of hands on action and a lot of presentations of skills in front of other students so I need to be very alert.

Oh yeah, and I'm half way through the book Eclipse. Kristen, if you are reading, I'm to the part where Jacob and Edward are joining forces...well, at least they are working together.

Blessings

Today we sang this song at church and while I have sung this song several times before, this was the first time that I felt moved to tears.  There have been times in my life, both in good times and in my bad, that I am overwhelmed by His presence and the comfort that brings me.  Today was one of those days.  

I'm ok, really

Just wanted to assure people that I am doing fine, especially after my particularly whiny post last time.  I wasn't sure what to expect or what I would feel on Monday, but truth be told, I didn't feel much of anything.  Honestly, part of me felt relief that it was done (not that is was over, but because I anticipated all the highs and lows would finally end). 

After the uber-sucky birthday (yeah, I'm still smarting over that) I decided to stay in my PJs all day and watch Dexter, Season 2 videos that my mom got me for my birthday.  It's become a trend now--last year was season 1 and I'm sure next year it will be season 3.  That's all right, I actually enjoy those kinds of gifts.  Every year for Christmas my dad buys me the same fancy chocolates (oh my they are so decadent and spicy--I get excited every time I see them--curry and paprika, sugar-crystaled violets and red chilis, it is truly amazing what this company does with chocolates.  If you want the name, let me know and I'll email you) and a funky new flashlight.  No kidding.  I have at least 2-3 flashlights stashed in each room in my house.  It started as a joke, but I have gotten so many cool flashlights (did you know Hummer makes flashlights?) that I really look forward to this gift.

So, anyway, I watched almost the entire season of Dexter in one day.  It was awesome.  I truly needed the downtime.  And when I returned to work on Tuesday I discovered that although I did not get the usual party and cupcakes that all the other employees get (my boss' birthday was only a few days after mine which explains why mine will never be celebrated) several of my co-workers remembered the day and celebrated.  I was truly moved by the gifts I got and someday I might actually get around to posting the photos!

I have decided I need to do something fun for myself.  I have gone out nearly every night this week with my friends and it just felt good.  It felt good to not be tied to the computer and clicking refresh on my e-mail 6,000 times a day.  I'm not sure what I want to do next.  I'm signed up for at least one work related class so that will be a distraction.  I am seriously thinking about a vacation.  Aside from holidays and the one or two days I had off during my mom's surgery or visiting Kristen, I haven't had any vacation in a year.  Kris and I have talked about taking a little vacation to Hawaii, but I have also been thinking of visiting extended family in Hong Kong.  Of course, I had wanted to visit the Greek Isles after graduating with my last degree, but buying a house got in the way of that though. 

I'm not sure what plans I have for the blog at this point.  I probably won't have as many things to report and write on and it might largely become a 'fluff' blog like my other one.  Right now I'm just not feeling the strong urge to write, at least not in this forum.  My other blog has been sorely neglected for better than two weeks now and I do need to attend to it at some point. 

Feel free to check back in later and drop me a line when you are around.  It has been so nice to get to know the many PAPs and APs over the last year. 

For those that did not receive referrals before September 1st, please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.  I certainly hope Vietnam opens it's doors again soon.  I am constantly aware that although it is terribly disappointing for all those who have been trapped in this mess, it is worse for the kids.  We can come home each night to an air-conditioned or heated home.  We can eat or drink whatever we want because we can afford to.  We don't have to wonder where the next hug will come from or if anyone will comfort us when we cry.   We still live good lives and want for little.  I wish at least that much for every child.