Tuesday, May 19, 2009

364

364 days ago a woman walked up the steps of an orphanage under a moonlit sky. I don’t know what words were exchanged, what assurances were made, if any. 364 days ago the moon was still shining brightly in the early morning sky over Indiana. I remember that moon. I stepped out to pick up my newspaper, but I was mesmerized by the moon shining brightly still as the sun threatened to break. And in that moment, with newspaper in hand, I knew. You were here. I felt you as clearly as the air I breathe. I was so overcome with emotion in that moment—a feeling of awe and wonder as I marveled at the new life that had arrived. A sense of excitement to know, to finally know, that you existed beyond the wild imaginings of my mind. But that elation was tempered by what I also knew was occurring—relinquishment, abandonment, whatever you want to call it to make it more palatable. You were losing your family. I thought of you. I thought of your mother and the difficult choices she was making for her family. I prayed that God comfort her and bring her peace and I prayed that you would not lay out in the cold too long. I prayed for arms that would hold you and for lips that would kiss you. I prayed for food in your belly and love. Lots of love.

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I could have never guessed all the twists and turns our paths would take. A year ago, you were born into loss. A few days later your Oma was diagnosed with cancer and for the briefest of time I got to experience a sense of the loss you were feeling. That time, so blessed, is still very bittersweet and often times difficult for me to verbalize. I don't think I will ever be able to think of your first days without some pain in my heart. Somehow, out of all the ugliness of that time, we became a family. Words are inadequate to describe what I feel for you and how my heart leaps every time you come up behind me and give me a leg hug and say "mama".

Happy Birthday, my little Moon Man.

5 comments:

Kelli May 20, 2009 at 12:17 PM  

Happy Birthday Duc! Aiden and I can't wait to have your joint celebration. Love the new haricut!

Laura May 23, 2009 at 1:59 AM  

Happy Birthday, Duc!!!!! Your mommy writes beauitful posts that make me cry and smile at the same time.

kris May 25, 2009 at 9:48 AM  

what a beautiful post... i am sitting here covered in goosebumps.

happy birthday little guy.

Dave and Teresa May 26, 2009 at 9:18 PM  

Happy birthday, darling Duc.

Cinnamon May 26, 2009 at 9:57 PM  

Happy Birthday little man!

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About This Blog

This started as my story, but has evolved to OUR story. This is the story of life as a single parent to a wonderful little boy while we wait for baby sister. China LID 2.12.07.


But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, be patient! For it will surely take place. It will not be late by a single day.
Habakkuk 2:3

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