Confession

I have a confession.

I am a heterosexual.

That’s right.  I’m not ashamed, I am not closeted.  I am a girl that likes boys.

This might sound crazy to you, but you have to realize a couple of things. 

I live in the gayest city outside of San Francisco.  I don’t say this to be offensive.  Far from it, I have a lot of gay friends and enjoy what they have brought to our community.  We are often referred to as the gay Mecca of the Midwest and our tourism industry actually highlights this fact.  On the last census it was noted that we had the largest concentration of single men and this fact even made it into O magazine.  I almost blew soda out of my nose when I read that fact because it was used to encourage single women that single men, are in fact, abundant.  A single man is an unmarried man.  The reason we have so many “single” men is because they are not legally allowed to marry the partners they prefer.   A number of large businesses in this town offer same sex partner benefits which also draws a lot GBLT individuals.  In this town a transgendered individual is not stared at no matter where he is in his transformation. 

So here is what we know:

1. I am single.
2. I’m over 3o years-old.
3. I live in the second gayest city in the country.
4. And I just adopted a child.

Do you see where I am going with this?  Because I work in healthcare I work with a lot of women, a great number who are lesbians.  At first I didn’t notice anything suspicious, but then I realized that when I walk through the lunch room, lesbians that I DO NOT KNOW are waving or nodding at me.  A very unfriendly woman who is quite the challenge to work with has been very sweet with/on me.  She was sweet before she knew about the adoption, but now I am enduring kisses on the forehead and cheeks and LOOOONNG hugs.  She has a partner who could easily kick my butt into next week.  I was telling one of her close friends about it and she told me that in all the time that she known her (and they are good friends) this woman has never once hugged her. 

I have received a lot of support from the lesbians in my large workforce.  Women that I really don’t know.  They have provided goods for the Spud, friendship and one of them even provided a sizeable financial donation while I was on an unpaid maternity leave. 

I’m sure I haven’t helped matters either with my appearance.  I  barely wear make-up any more.  Spud has ripped out my earrings (so I don’t wear them anymore), necklaces, bracelets, etc.  so I don’t wear them either.  Since becoming a mom I have become frumpy and dumpy looking (now that I am saying that lesbians looking frumpy, but my weight gain has certainly not helped me, ok?). 

As some of you know, I am a stickler for telling the truth, the whole truth.  The other day while I was waiting for the elevator I was talking to two lesbians that I work with and a really hot guy walked by.  I admit, he was drool worthy and I stared.  After he was past I said to the two ladies “wow, he is really cute!”  They looked at my like I was crazy and said, “are you crazy?”

That’s when I knew.  I am a closeted heterosexual.  It’s not that I care terribly about their confusion, but I don’t like living a lie.   I think the fact that I am not in a relationship and have no plans in the immediate future to be a in a relationship make me an oddity.  I think I am probably hard to figure out as a result (see the above mentioned facts in the first part of the post) and because of where I live people just make assumptions.  Incorrect assumptions.  I feel like I am leading an entire community on and now I am feeling really uneasy/guilty when they offer me something, especially those long hugs.

What do I do?  How, or do I even try to *straighten* this out?

Inquiring minds want to know. 

Blessings

How can I possibly let an Easter pass without recognizing how thankful I am for all the blessings that I enjoy.  Sometimes it takes a holiday to remind us of the goodness that exists in our lives. 

I am so thankful for the little reminders.  Little reminders that I share my life with a little man.  That I am, indeed a mother.  Sometimes that little fact seems beyond me.  I guess it is not something that I sit and ponder on.  I just am.  Tonight I was just trying to clean up the mess that is my house.  It always kicks me in the pants at the end of the weekend that we have had too much fun and not enough serious time.  As I was cleaning out my temporary diaper bag/purse (there was an unfortunate leaking bottle that soaked into my diaper bag while in Dallas.  Can you image the smell??) I pulled out a couple of alphabet letters.  I don’t recall placing them in the outside pocket and it was just a little reminder that my son has impacted every aspect of my life.  From my messes to my purse pockets.

Yes, my son is sporting a suit and eating straw.  The nickname Spud seems rather fitting, don’t you think?  The straw is candy straw made out of potato starch.  Tastes like crap (or diet rice cakes which also taste like crap), but since Spud likes eating grass and tree bark I don’t think he cares. 

My beautiful niece playing with her new bubble blower.

The Spud has been very clingy lately and according to my sister it is completely normal at this age.  As soon as I put him down he starts crying.  It’s horrible!  I feel so bad for him.  I will be standing right there next to him and he cries.  I’m a mean mommy because his quivering chin is the cutest thing I have ever seen.  I always pick him up because I don’t want him to cry.  And honestly, I don’t mind it so much but he looks miserable.  I’ve pulled out a ring sling that I bought a while back.  I was afraid it was a waste of my money, but now I see it is invaluable!  I’ve just stuck him in it and gone on with my business.  He’s happy as can be.

Yesterday I met with the mortgage specialist (ok, if they get to be a specialist can I be a play specialist or swing pusher specialist?) and it still gave me a slight thrill to hear the mortgage specialist stutter in awe over my credit score.  It’s about the only thing that about me that can be described as perfect.  Knock on wood—seriously, I hope I didn’t just screw myself.  I’ve had identity theft issues twice since August and I always hold my breath a bit when I check or have my credit scores checked.  I am going to keep an eye on the interest rates and if *ANYONE* sees it drop under 5% please let me know.  I am waiting to lock in a lower rate.  It looks like I can drop my payment or drop to a 20 year term.  THAT would be awesome.  Just imagine—I can have my house paid off about the time my kids graduate high school.  

While we were meeting with the mortgage specialist Spud took a monster dump.  The kind that makes the eyes water and causes the gag reflex to work a little harder.  I asked her if it bothered her, and if so, I was willing to change it.  Of course she was polite and waved it off.  As soon as I got to the car I stripped his pants off to change him in the backseat.  I swear, I turned just to make no one was sneaking up behind me and when I turned my head back around Spud had rolled off the seat and was lying on the floor.  Didn’t make a peep.  Little turd just  laid there looking at me with his dirty diaper wrapped around his legs.  Ewww!

We went to the park and he ate some bark, sat in a swing and squealed with sheer joy!  It was as much fun for me to watch and hear as it was for him to do, I think. 

Spud is walking about 80-90% of the time now so he tried to play with the big kids at the park.  It was funny to watch him chase the bigger kids.  And by bigger, I mean kids that no longer count their age in months.  I marvel each time I see him in action.

Happy Easter!

Almost

Poor Spud is definitely still sick. Mom looked slightly crazy by the time I returned to the hotel. He had been whiny and cranky all day and it was making her crazy. His nose had finally STOPPED running. This is huge. He has been a snot machine since he started daycare a month ago. As I reminded her, one bad day in the span of 16 weeks is still freakin' awesome.

I finally figured out why he was/is staggering around like a drunken sailor. I found out first hand when I stumbled out of bed and realized my balance was also off. He still has lots of smiles and giggles for mama though. I am spoiled.

There is a Carter outlet store across from the hotel. Mom hit it yesterday and bought him a couple of little Easter gifts (do I mention that some outfits only cost $3.99????). We went back tonight and I dropped some serious change on getting him some clothese. Usually I can give two hoots about shopping, but it seemed sort of wrong not to enjoy 50-70% off sales. Entire outfits for $2.49??? Incredibly cute clothes for cheap. Of course, the more you pile them into the bag the more you spend.

By this evening he was starting to look and act more like th boy I know. I must admit I have really enjoyed him falling asleep in my arms all week long. This doesn't happen at home. I think it's all the fresh air Oma keeps exposing him to.

I don't have photos for two reasons:

1. I am on my work computer and didn't want to save anything personal on it.
2. I just didn't take any photos. Yep, no photos this week. We have all been too sick for it and I don't want any reminders of the horrible ick that hit us.

The next time I post I will be sitting like a bum on my own couch again (I hope). Please say a prayer, cross your fingers that we get an earlier flight out of Dallas tomorrow. Otherwise it will be dark by the time we get home and Spud gets a little worked up when it is past his bedtime.

Duc walks like a lady

People always ask me if Duc/Spud is a girl. I can't tell if it is because 1 white chic + 1 asian babe = (chinese) girl ?
Does that equation sound about right? He is pretty, but he has never worn anything that looked remotely girly so I can't quite figure this out.

Anyhoo, I am still down in Dallas and Comcast kind of sucks because I can't access my email either at the hotel or at the training center. So, I am getting them on my Blackberry, but I gotta tell you, I can NOT email proper responses on something that small. So I won't be able to respond for a couple more days, but if you are emailing me with this email or my private one I am getting them and I will respond once I have a full keyboard.

Spud is here with me and so is my mom. Thank God. Spud and I are both sick and she is essentially taking care of both of us. We arrived Monday afternoon and while we were at Target I suddenly felt ill. It seems either Spud gave me something or this is just the tail end of the horrible allergy crap I was feeling last week. I actually had to leave class several hours early on Tuesday because I felt so poorly, but I slept a lot yesterday and now I feel a lot better. It really helped that Spud slept well last night.

The first night was BAD. I'm not going to delve into it, but I am sure there were some other sleepless guests in the hotel as a result.

Mom is worried that Spud may have an inner ear infection. He has been walking really well, but yesterday and today he has been stumbling around like a drunken sailor--running into furniture and everything else. It was funny at first, but now it is a bit sad. Hopefully it will resolve quickly because I would hate for him to be uncomfortable as we fly back. He is still happy and most people wouldn't know the difference but he is slightly off. Poor baby.

It hasn't been a bad week--our time here has been enjoyable, but I am looking forward to going home and sleeping in our own beds again. At least I haven't had to do any laundry or fix dinner this week!

Reoccuring themes

Does anyone watch Celebrity Apprentice? Well, I am down in Dallas and saw a Jack in the Box commercial (which we don't have back home) that almost had me spitting soda out my nose.

Cattle the size of schnauzers? Now that is a mini burger. Does anyone read the comic strip Mallard Fillmore? They recently completed a little series about the economy and the reappearance of the mini burger.
Hmmm....burger. Sounds good.

Addendum: I am in a much better mood now and actually, the phone rocks. There was a reason I chose a Blackberry--I just wish it was a little more user friendly and the apps were more like the iPhone. There were a couple of features that were make or breaks that the iPhone doesn't have. So, I actually got exactly what I needed. It rocks!

I decided to take the day off because I have been feeling so exhausted this week. Can I just tell you how annoyed I am by all the unsolicited comments and “advice” from people about this. I know why I am tired, it is the same reason I feel bone deep tired for two weeks twice a year. It’s called allergy season. Instead of having a runny nose and itchy eyes I get an autoimmune response and have fevers and extreme fatigue. It happens like clockwork every spring and fall which is why I have been extremely annoyed by people saying things like

“Well, your a mom now. Tired is just part of it”

or

“You should really get more sleep".”

Really? You think that is the solution? I wish. Even my mom told me she hoped that I would get acclimated to our new schedule. I couldn’t figure out what she was talking about—what new schedule? Evidently the one with me going back to work full time...four weeks ago. Honestly, that is not the problem. I’ll be back to my self in another week or so when the pollen count isn’t so high.

Oh, did I mention it makes me slightly mean and severely annoyed?

Yeah. Not in the mood today. I did take Spud to daycare for 2.5 hours this afternoon so I could run errands. I bought a new phone—a Blackberry Pearl. I hate it. I should have known not to buy it when what I really wanted was an iPhone. Supposedly it was cheaper, but I realized after the fact that AT&T is a LIAR! It’s only cheaper if you already have a data plan (which I didn’t). I realized too late that in the short and long run this phone costs/will cost me more. Oh, I wish my math skills were a lot better! Hopefully since I have owned the phone less than a day they won't give me any crap about switching. Otherwise I will just get another low end phone and wait until I can upgrade my service again.

Spud has decided walking is the only way to go. The daycare people commented that the only time they see him walking is when I drop him off or pick him up. He always walks/runs to me. Today he was showing off and one of them said he looks too short to be walking. She is right! He just seems so small to me. At home it is about 50/50 with walking or crawling, but every day he seems to prefer the walking slightly more. Sigh...my little baby is growing up too quickly.

Cuteness abounds

 

The boy likes tacos, but because he is dealing with a nasty snotty nose and icky cough he just rubs his food all over his face.  My toe in the last photo was being used as a chew toy. 

Did I mention that my son is all boy?  Even without a strong male influence in his life the boy coughed up a nasty loogie and spit it in the grass like a pro.  So gross.