Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Love/Hate

I hate that my mind is so smart and my heart is so stupid



I hate that my children’s lives were so tainted with fear and loss



I hate that my children entered my life when I was so afraid



I hate that I am not always as brave as I think I am



I hate that after 1187 days I still long for my daughter as much as the first day



I hate that I have no roadmap to my life…but I love that I no longer wonder when my life will begin



I hate that the sight of a tutu reduces me to aching tears



I love the twinkle in my son’s eyes…I will do almost anything to see his eyes glitter and hear his beautiful laugh



I love that I can love my son so desperately that it still causes my heart to ache



I love that he still brings tears of absolute joy to my eyes…somedays more than others



I love that he still gets clingy and all he wants is mama



I love that when he wakes up at night crying it is my name he says



I love that he is teaching me to be brave



I love that he has taught me so much about love and courage



I love where my life is going…no matter how scary

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2 comments:

a Tonggu Momma July 9, 2009 at 10:54 AM  

Coming out of lurkdom to say what an absolutely beautiful post, Erica.

Anonymous July 11, 2009 at 9:37 PM  

I have Catherine's tutu with me... I even brought her ballet slippers.

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About This Blog

This started as my story, but has evolved to OUR story. This is the story of life as a single parent to a wonderful little boy while we wait for baby sister. China LID 2.12.07.


But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, be patient! For it will surely take place. It will not be late by a single day.
Habakkuk 2:3

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