Peace

It's amazing how resilient we humans are.  In the face of adversity and struggle, when all things seem to point us in the other direction, we continue climbing a seemingly insurmountable hill. 

I have the journals my mom kept when she was pregnant with me and the months and years following my arrival.  I've heard her stories of how I entered the world and nearly left it just as quick.  I wonder at times how she kept going--holding on when she was told to not expect much.  She had over five years of wondering how things would turn out.  Hopefully no one ever told her to give up, but I honestly don't know.  I'm glad she didn't.  I'm glad I didn't also. 

I look at Haven's story much the same way.  Every day seems to bring worse news and everything in me seems to point to giving up, but what if you can't?  I may not have made it clear in my last post, but I had to make a stand that I would not give up and for me that was paying the fees that were due when I went DTV.  I could have skipped, I'm sure, and just let it go...but I couldn't.  I still can't.  I pray for my son, his birthfamily, his country, my country, the other kids and the PAPs in the same situation.  I guess there is a peace in knowing that you have done all you can and at some point you have to let go and allow God to take it the rest of the way.  Whether it works out or not, sometimes it's best not to hold so tight that all other things are blocked out.   Maybe in that release peace will come.  I will not give up, but until I know what how the story ends, I need to learn to let go.  For myself.  For my health.  For peace in my life.