Sometimes you just need to feel the wind on your skin

It’s impossible for this time of year to arrive and not think back to where I was this time last year, two years and three years ago. Last year I was still anxiously waiting for someone to confirm what I already knew—my son lived and breathed. What a strange place to be—to be a mother, to know your child lives and exists, but to not know what he looks like or what he smells like? I imagine many birth mothers know that feeling well.

While I finally received confirmation on September 1st and received his file on September 3rd, there was so much I felt and suspected that I never documented here. Those familiar with how ugly the Vietnam/US adoption process became last year understand why. I remember looking up in the sky the evening of May 19th and again on the following morning and seeing the full moon and knowing deep in my soul that my son was alive and lived and breathed somewhere in this world. Every full moon following that I would say a prayer and thank God that he was alive another month. In late June I had this overwhelming feeling that something was finally beginning to happen. My father and I both dreamed that we would hear something that week, and in a way, we did. I received an email from my agency on behalf of the Vietnamese Adoption Officials who reported an issue on my 171H. It was then that I finally had confirmation that something was indeed happening that was bringing Duc and I closer together.

Along the way I would occasionally have a feeling that something was happening that was drawing my son and me closer together. I collected those dates and documented them in my private journal and wondered if I would ever know for sure. It would be many months before it would be confirmed, but indeed, those strange sensations were tied to some significant events that occurred behind the scenes. It’s funny how life and how God work.

Two years ago I was unemployed and waiting and wondering. Wondering about a job, wondering how long I would wait for my daughter, wondering about this son—a secret desire that I shared only with Kris and my mother. I could never have guessed that my secret desire would someday be a son I would share with the world.

Three years ago I had my first adoption dream. In many ways I believe that was the dream that finally opened me up to the possibility of being a single parent. God was already working on my heart, reversing the direction of my life, the direction of my thoughts. Three years and two weeks ago I started the process for my daughter. The ah-ha moment finally dawned and I knew I couldn’t wait any longer. I didn’t know at the time how timely that moment would be. Months later singles were no longer be allowed to adopt from China.

This is what we all waited for. Wow. I could only imagine this a year ago.

We call my dad the baby whisperer. He has an amazing ability to put any baby asleep. Duc had four naps today and I had two. Anyone have a problem with that??? I think we are both still recovering from being ill.

A doll at my parent’s house. She deserved to have her photo taken. Look how pretty she is! Peek-a-boo with my babe.