Friday, July 11, 2008

"Mommy, I not redneck"*

While I am a city girl at heart, my family lived in a very rural farming community of only 500-600 people.  A town where the cattle outnumbered people and you could help yourself to fresh cream at the dairy farm as long as you left a couple of bucks.  A town where men wore bib overalls--and nothing underneath.  Entertainment included, drinkin', sexin', and cow tippin'.  Yeah, I didn't quite fit in. I kind of view myself as redneck by association in the same way the cops arrest you if it was actually your buddy that was smokin' dope and you were in the same car.  Not exactly fair, but not exactly something you can fight. 

The past two weeks I've been rockin' it the redneck way.  My kitchen faucet started dripping and I didn't consider it a huge problem, but a mere six days later it was a stream of water and I was going through a couple gallons an hour.  I was beyond horrified and decided to turn off the cold water.  Problem solved, right?  You don't really need cold water for anything in your kitchen.  Well, I decided to fix it myself.  I should preface this by saying I know as much about fixing sinks as I do about cow tippin'--which is nothing.  I looked up information online and I youtubed it.  Yes, you can actually learn how to do anything if you watch it on youtube.  Feeling prepared with my new bit of knowledge I returned to Lowe's and asked for some O rings.  After explaining the situation the gentleman explained that it was likely the washer and not the O ring that was giving me problems.  I returned home, took the cold faucet apart and tried the O ring.  He was right--that wasn't the problem.  I took the old washer with me as I spent the better part of a Sunday afternoon going to every hardware store in town trying to find that same part.  Not only did no one have it, I learned it isn't even in production.  Long story short, I decided to go ahead the put the faucets back together and just live with the hot water until I could afford to have it replaced (dad didn't think I could replace it myself).  Well, when I put it back together and turned on the HOT faucet, it shot a geyser out of the cold and the faucet and ALL the parts took off like they were shot out of a canon.  I had water dripping from the ceiling and I'm just glad the metal handle on my faucet hit my cupboards instead of the ceiling because I am sure it would have busted it.  The parts were so badly degraded that I wasn't going to be use either faucet.  Translation: I couldn't use my sink AT ALL.  So any time I wanted to wash dishes (I don't have a dishwasher) I would have to fill a pail of water from the hall bathroom and carry it to the kitchen sink and dump it in the sink.  I've been living on take-out and Lean Cuisines.  In the morning I have to rinse my cereal bowl out in the bathroom sink.  Yeah, I was proud.

As if that wasn't bad enough, one of my shutters fell off the house, and let me tell you, it is a huge shutter.  Not only does my plumbin' not work right, my house looked dumb on the outside.  I was pretty embarrassed I would get irritated every time I saw either one. 

The redneck story doesn't end yet.  The contractor that was supposed to place the big, beautiful sliding glass door that my dad bought for his grandson (let's face it, it was the kid that motivated him, not me) quoted a ridiculously high price.  My dad and I agreed--it was ridiculous and neither of us want to pay that.  Well, I had a Starbucks (sorry, I say Starbucks because I hate coffee) date with a good friend of mine and as she was telling me about her carpenter husband that was getting ready to be laid off, I had an ah-ha moment!  So I asked her if he would get me an estimate.  I'd rather pay him (and my friend) anyway.  So, hopefully that crisis is averted.

Last crappy thing that turned good--I am terribly allergic to grass.  Well, to be fair, I'm allergic to most things in the outdoors which is why I try to avoid going out.  But I can't afford to pay the $35-40 the local lawn guys charge to mow grass so I have been stuck mowing it all season.  Every single time I mow I get sick with horrible sinus infections, bronchitis or miserable hives.  I was complaining to a co-worker at work and word got around.  Yesterday I learned there are TWO people not far from my neighborhood that can mow my grass for cheap!  I've offered the job to a co-worker's fifteen year-old daughter that lives about a mile away.  I'm really hoping that will work out. 

Imagine my absolute delight when I came home this afternoon and learned that my dad had replaced my faucet with the beautiful new faucet I bought, he fixed my shutters, replaced the light fixture in Haven's room and replaced my burned out exterior lights.  This man is awesome!  Not only that, my mom (yes, the woman that just had major surgery two weeks ago) push mowed my entire yard--even the back yard with it's steep hills and limestone rocks. 

And while I have not heard anything about a referral yet, one of my favorite people in the world (you could call her my BFF) got a call out of the blue today with a referral.  I can't share the details until I know it has all been confirmed, but I am beyond excited!  When she called to tell me she told me to sit down because she had some news.  I was so overwhelmed with joy and excitement that I could barely talk!  I was teary eyed and had goose bumps every where!  I am so incredibly happy for her and I can not wait to hug them both!  Ok, enough exclamation points for now. 

Anyway, life is definitely looking up (that, and I just had a fabulous margarita so I am feeling quite mellow) and I can't help but think that I should also be receiving some very good soon. 

*Oh, and the quote in the title is actually courtesy of my almost-three-year-old niece.  Her parents were in the yard working the Saturday before my mom's surgery.  Instead of dragging babygirl in and and out of the house to pee (this kid thinks she has to pee every time she farts so she is on the toilet a lot), they took her little potty outside and whenever she needed to go she would use it out there.  Well, they forgot to empty it and bring it back in the house.  A few days later my sister remembered about the toilet and was telling me the story.  She ended it by saying, "yeah, we are a couple of rednecks with a dirty porta-potty in our garage."  Without missing a beat my niece says, "Mommy, I not redneck."  I'm glad somebody thinks we aren't rednecks!

3 comments:

Chandra July 11, 2008 at 10:33 PM  

Thank God for parents! That was so sweet of them to help you out. Hoping you hear great news soon!

Anonymous July 12, 2008 at 12:00 AM  

Love the stories! I can just picture your "redneck" house! Glad I wasn't visiting at the time - I would have been no help at all, I must say. I have my "repair man" on speed dial. I like to call him "Dad."

What exciting news about your friend! I bet she's over the moon about her referral! ;-)

~K

ourvalentinesdaytreat July 15, 2008 at 12:57 AM  

OMG, I'm just glad all of your problems were solved or I was going to feel really bad about LMAO at your faucet story. I am, however, quite impressed by your effort. I wouldn't have even made it to Lowe's. You're awesome!

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This started as my story, but has evolved to OUR story. This is the story of life as a single parent to a wonderful little boy while we wait for baby sister. China LID 2.12.07.


But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, be patient! For it will surely take place. It will not be late by a single day.
Habakkuk 2:3

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