Mama did a bad bad thing

Yeah, it’s been one of those weeks.

I’m too busy living to sit down and write about it.

On Wednesday Duc and I had our 6 month post placement visit with the social worker—can you believe it? It was 6 months ago this week that we received our travel arrangements. I can still remember the near-manic feeling excitement. I couldn’t see past that time and I certainly couldn’t imagine what life would be like 6 months later. I can remember watching one of my favorite shows and they were taking a break and were coming back mid-January with new episodes. I remember thinking by the time it came back on I would have been a mother for 1 month. It hardly seemed possible. In many ways it feels like my life began in January and many times since then I have felt frozen in those early moments of our time together. It boggles my mind that it is June already. Where has the time gone? Where has my little baby gone???

Anyway, back to the SW visit. I remember the last time she physically came to the house was nearly 3 years ago when I began the process for China. I liked her immediately. Upon leaving my house that first time she said, “Many new wanna-be parents need assurance that they can do this…that they will be good at this. You don’t need that do you.” It was more a statement than a question and I thought about it late last year as I began to prepare for Duc and the crazy emotions and thoughts I had as I prepared to become a parent. So many people told me that I would be a good mom, but I would look at them in a bit of a panic. How can they possibly know or think that? What really makes a good parent?

But we have done alright together. The SW was thrilled with our bonding and said I looked relaxed and comfortable as a mother. I have my moments where I feel like I am a horrible parent. I had one of those moment today. In the back of my mind I never forget about his early days and how he came into my life so and I am careful not to leave him alone. Today he woke up early despite a later bed time (thank you Auntie Krissy for jinxing us this morning) and I was exhausted. He played happily while I drifted in and out of sleep on the couch. He was finally ready for a nap and I crawled into my bed after I knew he had fallen asleep. I woke up 2 hours later to him screaming. He was clingy and continued to cry after I picked him up. After some cuddle time and some food everything was right as rain once again.

After our shower, he was back outside getting dirty again. I am loving the weather right now—upper 70s/low 80s, moderate humidity. Last week it was in the upper 80s and low 90s and very humid. Neither one of us likes to be in direct sunlight and I am so thankful for that!

I love my little rough and tumble boy. I love that he is inquisitive and stubborn and loves to laugh. His Oma calls him giggles, which makes me smile because that is what I was called by a lot of people when I was little.