Ok, I know I already posted once already today...

I can't help but feel so excited! I remember feeling the same way when I started the process for my China girl, but this time it is different. Before, I was anticipating a 12-14 month wait (I have now been waiting 10 months and expect to wait another 2+ years). This time, I'm only expecting a 4-5 month wait from DTC to referral. I can hardly imagine. For me, this whole thing...it won't feel really real until I have his photo in my hand. Truly. Even though I have been working towards an adoption for over a year now, having that photo will mean more than anything up to this point has. It's almost more than I can imagine. To think that I could hold Haven's little picture in my hand next spring, well, it blows my mind. To think that I might be holding my little Haven sometime next summer....I just can't put it into words. It's indescribable. To know that these children that I have carried so close to my heart, that felt real only to me, are going to be tangible, I can't express what my heart feels. Bear with me for a moment while I revel in this moment...I know there are plenty of other PAPs right now that aren't so optimistic. I won't be able to believe it until I see his photo. I just pray that the rest of the process flow smoothly.

Thanks for listening.

One big happy family

Well, I finally had to share my news with the lady I share my office with.  It wasn't that I didn't trust her--I think she will be a great mentor for me and since she is married to the hospital's HIPPA privacy officer, I know she can keep a secret. I'm just private and I don't like being asked "how much longer?" by people I really don't know.  That is one thing I learned adopting my China baby.  Anyway, I shared the news with her on Tuesday and she was very happy for me.  The number of phone calls I was making to my doctor and whispering the word "adoption" I realized it was time to share the news or figure out new ways of tricking her so she would leave the office. 

Yesterday she asked what my plans were for maternity leave.  I told her I really didn't know.  I just hoped to have about 3-4 weeks saved up by the time I travel.  I pray that God keeps me healthy the next year so that I can start adding the hours up.  She mentioned that people can donate PTO to me.  Hmmm, that's good to know.  She also asked about fundraising and how I was going to raise the money.  Again, a big fat "I don't know."  I just assumed I was going to take out a loan.  I hate to do that because it leaves me really strapped once he and my China baby come home.  She told me to remind her once I got my referral and she would try to think of ways that I can fundraise.  She said, "don't look at it as asking for money.  Let people share your joy.  People here love to donate money for positive things."  I am not good at charity, but I realized when I started this a few weeks ago that I was really going to let God work any way that he can. 

may_day@comcast.net

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Papers and more papers

Well, I finally got my "official" application sent out via FedEx to the agency yesterday.  It is supposed to arrive tomorrow so hopefully they will send out my dossier packet quickly.  I have an appointment with my allergist next week and I'm going to try to sweet talk her into doing my physical, but I really need to know what the agency requires of VN PAPS for the physical.  For China I had to have HIV testing, liver profile (presumably for alcohol abuse?), TB/chest x-ray and a boat load of other tests.  My SW only indicated a few tests on their international adoption physical form which I am sure does not encompass everything that is required.

I also completed my home study application and I plan on mailing that express tomorrow.  Whew.  So glad to have that monkey off my back.  I'm not good with numbers and I really hate trying to figure out how much things cost and accounting for every penny I own.  It's exhausting.  I just feel like waving goodbye at the nice little sum in my check book.  Who knows when I will money in there again?

Now the work begins...

I was so stinkin' excited and now I am so stinkin' tired.  I started working on my paperwork last night and didn't get to bed until 12:30 am.  The alarm went off at 6 am.  Ugh. 

I completed my official application to adopt from VN and submitted it to my agency with a nice chubby check.  I then began working on the documents required for my home study.  Oy.  Although it has only been 13 months since the last time I have done this, they have included more things.  I emailed the lead SW because I was a bit overwhelmed by the amount and I wasn't sure where to find certain forms.  She emailed back to say that some forms have already been eliminated for international adoptions (there was a new fingerprint process which meant I would have had to be fingerprinted twice for the same adoption and within the same month).  She also said that some of the information can be obtained from last year's home study.  Whew.  For any prospective adoptive parents out there reading this, be prepared to do autobiographies on yourself and your parenting style during the home study process.  Last year I had 3 different papers I had to write.  The information was so detailed I had to call my mom to ask when her parents were born, when her siblings were born, what education they received and what careers they had.  In addition, I had to do the same for their kids (my cousins).  What the heck?  We are not close to extended family and never have been.  We've always lived too far away. 

I'm still trying to get my physical moved up.  My appointment isn't until 12/26 and that is too far away.  I called all the physicians in her practice and the walk in clinic.  No availability from her fellow physicians and the walk-in clinic won't do physicals.  I found another Emergent Care setting that I think will do the physical, but no guarantee they will order the blood/urine/x-ray tests.  Ugh.  My insurance kicks in next week so I will do it then.  The month of December is going to be crazy for me because of work.  I really need to get as much done next week, because the following week I'm pulling an all-nighters and I will be useless for a few days.  Then I am in Dallas for business until the 2 days before Christmas.  I really need to be done by then.

My goal, if I haven't stated it often enough already, is to be done by the end of the year.  I may not have my 171H, but I want everything else to be completed and ready for state certification and VN embassy authentication.  I have my 3 ring binder and a check list.  I called all my references last night (thanks Michael, Sherry, Kristen, and Anne), I spoke to my boss (I'm a new hire--I just completed my second month) about my China baby last week (I didn't know for sure about Haven at that point), and I spoke to HR today.  I think I'm ready for the rollercoaster again! 

So Excited!

It's so hard for me to keep my big news to myself!  I can't wait to be able to share it with the rest of my family.  My mom did admit that she has had a hard time picturing a little boy when she has thought of my little China girl for so long.  I have told her this feels right.  I wanted my daughter to have a brother close to her age and I wanted him to be a bit older than her.  I do recognize that they could potentially be the same age, but it will likely be a year in between the arrival of my children.  Somedays I think I'm crazy and I know that I will never have money again.  What's the point of having money if you have no one to share it with?  I will never have as much money in the bank as I want and my retirement investments will always look wimpy compared to what I want them to look like.  Knowing this has actually made the decision easier. 

I looked around yesterday and today and realized that at this time next year, my life is going to be very different.  I may be having Thanksgiving Dinner at my house, but my son will be here too.  The room I am currently sleeping in (since my g'ma has my bedroom until tomorrow) will be his room.  The computer that I am writing on will no longer be in this room.  It will be in the living room at a desk that I will have my handyman build.  All the plans that I envisioned for my house are happening, not because I want to move things around, but because I will have a family.  How incredible is that?  I can not wait to start the next phase of my life.  And I can't wait to share this with my children.  I can't wait to see what's around the next bend.  And I can't wait to see my son's referral photo.  And most of all, I can't wait to hold him in my arms.  I can't wait to cradle both my children in my arms. 

I'm IN!

Well, after anxiously gripping my cell phone close to me for the last 10 working days and hearing nothing, I finally called the agency to inquire. Let me back up a bit...I called their toll free number on Monday and left a message, but since the ring was strange sounding I wasn't sure if it actually went through. I have been emailing Jen about what I should do. She gave me the correct number yesterday and I called it today. The very nice lady on the phone pulled my file and saw that they sent me an application packet, but they hadn't received anything further. She said she was going to look into it and call me right back. Of course, anytime I'm stressed my IBS kicks in and my stomach starts to cramp. I was in the middle of one of those cramps when she called back. She had found my application. It had been affixed to some other mail and was misplaced. I don't know if they had opened it before and just not filed it or she reviewed it on the spot and decided I was a safe bet. Regardless, I'm in! She told me I should be able to finish the dossier quickly since it is easier than China's. I was also instructed to begin that process and schedule my home study. Yippee! I am over the moon. Of course, now I'm thinking about the money and where it is going to come from. God made a way for the first one, he'll make a way for this one as well. It was so hard for me to not bust with joy. I just wanted to shout it out!!

I guess this is a multi-post day

Do you ever have the realization that a relationship (or in this case relationships) that you have supported over the years are no longer healthy or equally beneficial?  I've come to that conclusion lately.  The one I am going to have to let go because she only wants to spend time with me when she is depressed and upset with her boyfriend or when she is without a boyfriend.  Somehow she expects me to fill some void in her life that I don't want or need to fill.  I've been sucked down that road before and I am the one broken hearted at the end.  I'm tired of female friends bleeding me emotionally dry and then leaving me in the dust when a new guy comes around.

The other is an older, single woman that I have been friends with (I actually met both these women at the same time) and we have some really good conversations, but she manages to find something about me to pick at.  Today she was criticizing my new e-mail account name.  Evidently the ambiguity of the meaning left her to think it was something sexual perhaps?  It's actually a combination of both my children's names and I can guarantee you that there is nothing sexual about it.  My daughter has inherited a family name that has been passed down for many generations.  It is always something.  She criticizes what I talk about, how loud my voice or laughter is, and even my personal beliefs.  What the heck? 

I guess the question is, do I actually discuss this with either of them.  Well, that probably isn't necessary for the first one since she only comes running when she is lonely or upset.  The other...I don't know.  She's a smart cookie and she will begin to suspect.  I guess I should just tell her that I can't be friends with someone that is so hypercritical of me.  From my perspective, why would she want to be friends with someone she is constantly having to correct?  There is a mean part of my brain that says "no wonder she is still single", but if I am going to say that I really need to hold that same mirror up to myself. 

Well Said

One of our IS guys is leaving our department.  He has been with our hospital for 11 years and although I don't know him, I know his mother well.  In his farewell today he included something he has written.  I found it deeply moving and wanted to share it:

"Often, we dream of where we wish to be, but do not know the exact path to take in order to arrive there—the place in life we imagine as our destiny, what we believe to be our purpose. Experience counts that time; persistence; knowledge; a good plan prudently executed; an understanding of one’s gifts and limitations; unconditional forgiveness interwoven with unconditional love; a belief in the paragon of unreciprocated kindness; an appreciation of beauty in the mysterious [or unknown]; a gracious acceptance of the unchangeable; plus inundant laughter all interact as life’s spectrum to help illuminate our way. Destiny, therefore, is not a destination but rather a patiently traveled, well-illumined journey, full of limitless potential when filled with determined, honorable purpose. ¹

¹ Kaufman, Joshua Michael “L'Entrée: September 26, 2007.” Le Garçon Obsédé - Un Mémoire Personnal. (2006-2007) The Library of Congress, United States Copyright Office. Copyright © 2006-2007. All rights reserved.

Stalled

Hmmm...still no word from my potential agency.  I really want to get them on board before submitting a fat check to the SW and getting on the dossier band wagon.  I wonder if they are stalling until they hear the outcome of JCICS meeting in Washington, DC next week.  At the very least it would be nice to know that.  I even called them this afternoon to inquire about my application.  I was forced to leave a message on their answering machine.  Perhaps they are out all week because of the Holiday? 

Lessons in Faith

I think there are many in the adoption world who lean on their faith throughout the process.  I'm one of those people.  I'm as guilty as the next looking to the skies for some sort of sign.  A sign to stay in, a sign to pull out--a sign.  The VN process looks like a scary one to me.  I had read that before I even committed my signature to the paper, but I am sooo not used to being outside my comfort zone.  With my China baby, I know that at the end of the wait, there she is.  I think my journey to Haven will be one that really tests my faith. 

The last two sermons at church dealt with stretching beyond our comfort zone and letting God lead, even if it sounds crazy.  I think that was what I needed to hear.  There is a part of me that really doesn't want to get too excited about all this yet and I keep trying to convince myself that it is all in my head, but it isn't in my head. I feel like Haven has tucked himself into my heart and I can't separate myself from him without breaking my heart.  I guess you really can't experience great love without the threat of great loss.  Love is always a gamble and none of us know where the path will lead us.  How many of us would willingly jump into a relationship (romantic or otherwise) if we knew that in the end it would never survive?  Chances are none of us would, but how much would we have missed out by never experiencing it?  

Standing Still...

Things are pretty much at a stand still right now.  I called my doctor this morning.  Not in.  I asked to speak to her scheduler.  Also not in.  They wouldn't reschedule me with someone else until talking to the doctor on Monday.  OOOKKKKAAAAYYY.  I guess I'll be calling again Monday.  I guess it doesn't really matter since I haven't heard from the agency yet.  I did finally receive my new packet from my SW.  I suppose I will be filling that out this weekend.  I can never tell how much faith to put into what I read on-line. 

I think I need to stay away from the yahoo VN sites.  In many ways they remind me the China sites, specifically RQ and I end up feeling anxious.  I sometimes wonder if it is the prospective adoptive parents (PAPs) that create a sense of urgency for the US and VN that wouldn't normally exist. I don't know.  I'm too new to everything to be able to say definitely one way or another.  It certainly is true of the China program.  If I had followed what the China sites had said prior to working on my China dossier, I never would have applied!  I guess this is what faith is all about. 

Strangely enough, my eating habits and exercise routine has improved since starting this process again.  I am, and will probably always be, a stress eater.  It got worse this summer after I lost my job and even after I started my new job, I was still night binging due to stress/anxiety.  Yeah, I know, a Xanax would do me a world of good, but I really prefer to try to deal with my feelings instead of medicating them.  I think a big part of my anxiety was in indecision over the VN situation.  In some way, it was always in the back of my mind and I couldn't quite escape the son that I knew was out there.  Anyway, I've been going to the gym regularly, and are you ready for this, I had a salad and vegetable soup for lunch.  The lunch ladies never ask me what I want anymore, they automatically grab the chicken strips and mashed potatoes for me.  In fact, I went through a self-serve salad line today and one of the lunch ladies asked "no chicken today?"  Nope!  I eat so healthy at home (yeah, I know, I binge on things like yogurt and pineapple) and it is time to do that at work.  Besides it just weighs me down and makes me feel sleepy all afternoon.  I keep this image of my children in mind and I want to be healthy for them.  I need to be healthy for them.  I don't want to be the fat, out of breath American in VN or China. 

I don't understand this weather. Yesterday I walked around all day outside with a short sleeve shirt on. Today we had snow flurries.

I still haven't heard anything from the agency yet. I'm hoping tomorrow. I kept my cell phone in my pocket all day hoping they would call. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that tomorrow they call and I know how to proceed.

After stewing on this for the last 24 hrs I have decided to call my doctor back and get my physical moved up. I understand she doesn't have any availability, but someone in her practice should. How is it I can work in a hospital, know these doctors as well as my co-workers and not be able to get a visit with any of them? Something is wrong with this picture. Hopefully I will hear from the agency and once I do it is going to be gang busters. I managed to crank out a dossier last year in only 6-7 weeks (with the exception of the 171H that the gov't lost---11 freakin' weeks) and since VN requires less paperwork and less visits from the SW, I plan on moving even faster. My goal is to have all my documents ready by Christmas to be sent off for authentication. I thought I was competitive last year when I was competing with Kris (love ya, girl!), I had no idea I'd be even worse with competing against myself.

I decided to tell a co-worker today about not only my first adoption, but also my attempt to complete one with VN. She was so excited and happy for me that she started crying. I can't help it, I love that reaction! I should mention that I have only been working in my current job for 7 weeks so I was really having to trust that she wouldn't blab. She's also a very private person so I don't think I'll have to worry about it. She also said our boss would be supportive and would keep it private until I am ready to share my news. I don't plan on telling anyone at work until I have a referral in hand! That's right, my bloggy buddies, the only ones that know are you, me, and the entire internet (although I am not sure they care).

An answer to that most obnoxious comment...

The only people in the world besides my SW and agency that know I am planning on adopting from VN are my mom and dad, Kristen, and Michael. I fully expect that once I let it be known that I am adopting from here as well, that I will get asked that oh so wonderful question that every adoptive parent dreads hearing: Did you even try to get pregnant? or the other derivitive: Don't you want one of your own?

Well, finally, today the perfect answer came to me. When someone asks "Did you even try to get pregnant?" I'm going to answer with this question:

Are you asking me if I have had unprotected sex?

To really get make them reflect I can finish with one of two answers:

That's a very personal question. Do you have unprotected sex?
or
Yes, I have lots of unprotective sex.

(I'm kidding, Mom, I swear!)

I imagine the questions will get worse once people learn that I am adopting TWO kids. There are so many variables when you get asked a question like that. Do I really want to tell people about my menstrual cycle? No more than I want to hear about theirs. Strangely enough, it is typically guys that have asked this question so far.

Danger Ahead?

Yesterday I posted on a yahoo group for prospective and adoptive parents of children from Vietnam. I was actually responding to someone's post about being torn by two countries. While I wasn't torn by two countries, I felt strongly that I was supposed to have a son and a daughter. The whole time I was working on the dossier for baby girl I would regret that she might be an only child. I thought my son would come from China, as my daughter will, but God has a way of changing things when you don't expect it. For the last few weeks there has been a shake-up in the VN adoption community because some parents are being issued NOIDS by USCIS (NOIDS are notice of intent to deny adoption and USCIS is US Homeland Security). VN is saying that the child is now in the custody of the parents, the US is concerned that a lot more babies have been abandoned since the program reopended. Coincidence? Who knows, but the US is being cautious. I don't blame them. When people responded to my post it seemed as if they were trying to discourage me from adopting from VN for fear the program could be shut down again. Is this a possibility? Yes, but I would answer that of any country and of any adoption anywhere in the world. There are no sure things when you are adopting. It doesn't matter if you are adopting domestic or international, the rules are subject to change without notice.

This adoption is a gamble, I agree. But what if I hadn't listened to my inner voice and decided not to proceed? What if the program isn't shut down, but for some other reason down the road I am unable to adopt from VN? I guess I would rather take this gamble than gamble on not ever bringing Haven home. I just know that if God hadn't moved my heart when he did, I would never have made the cut and gotten into a China adoption program. I have learned to listen even when it seemed like foolishness.

On the adoption front: I had called my doctor in October to set up a physical for my home study update. The next available was February. I took it because it was better than nothing, but now that I am pursuing this adoption, I just want to get this done. I called again today to inquire about moving my appointment up and again was told February was the next available. I finally pulled out the guilt card and said, "Normally I'm not one to complain or insist on special treatment, but here is the situation. I am in the process of adopting a child and if I don't get my physical completed in December I will get the boot from the program. So what I need to know is if you have availability with any of your physicians, and if you don't, please refer me to another doctor." Well, wasn't that something. She transferred me to my doctor's personal scheduler and my new appointment is the day after Christmas. Ok, I'll take it. So, I hope to get everything else going pretty quick. Now I am not competing against time, I'm just competing against myself. Well, me and the fact that my documents can't be older than 6 months by the time they reach VN. I think going through the China dossier process has actually helped me because this one is a breeze in comparison. I don't need as many documents and as far as I know, I don't need my 171H to be stamped, authenticated, blah blah blah before I send my dossier.

A couple of weeks ago I called my personal notary (yes, I have a personal notary--in exchange for some time out together she notarizes my documents). Her notary reign ends in February so I asked if she could renew it. Mind you, I wasn't seriously entertaining this adoption at the time, but I thought it would be good for her to renew it. Not only is she going to renew it, but the company I work for (she also works there) is going to pay for it! They may not have official adoption benefits, but this one is going a long way with me!

Social Worker is on board!

The lead social worker for my home study agency called me today. This is the same lady that last year spent two hours trying to trick me into saying that I am a lesbian or promiscuous. I know that I live in the largest gay community outside of San Fran, but that doesn't make me gay. In the same way the gays know they are gay, the straigties know that they are straight.

Anyway, we spoke for a few minutes about doing a concurrent adoption. She wanted to make sure that both agencies were on board with it and I offered to forward the e-mails to her. Fortunately this time she finally believed me. She wanted to know if my family was on board with it or how they were responding. After talking about the various areas of my life that will be affected by two kids, she agreed to complete a second home study for me. Not only are we going to do the home study, we are also going to do the update for my China girl at the same time at half the price I paid last year. Hallelujah, things are already falling into place! Hopefully I will hear from the agency in the next 2 days. After that things are going to get crazy!

My Story

This blog is dedicated to my son in Vietnam. He has felt so much a part of me for so long that it seems strange that he isn't sitting next to me as I write or sleeping soundly in the next room. How strange it is to wait for a child!

I have started a journal for him, but I admit that blogging is a much better avenue for me to express my feelings about my son and adoption in general.

It seems only appropriate to start from the beginning, doesn't it? Haven's story started a long time ago. From an early age I knew that I would adopt my children and I knew they would come from Asia. It's hard to describe how these things are imprinted on children, but somehow I think God uses the young, those that have not felt failure or fear. Children have faith--faith in their parents, faith in their teachers and they believe everything they hear even if it doesn't make sense.

Just over a year ago I felt God calling in his promise. Even though I was single and had always been quite determined to be married before having babies, I couldn't shake the repeated dreams of a little girl and little boy. I felt God calling me to adopt a daughter from China and in a miracle of all miracles, he opened all the right doors at all the right times and I was able to 1) be accepted by a good adoption agency and 2) make the deadline before China closed the door to singles. I admit that I cried last December as I read the CCAA's new regulations for adoptive parents. I knew then that my little boy was not coming from China. But somewhere deep within I felt strongly that there was a son who needed me as his mother. I don't know how to describe the feeling...I suppose it is one that you know when it hits you.

I completed the paperwork for my China baby, but I couldn't shake the feeling that Haven was out there somewhere. It nagged at me and broke my heart. I named him shortly after I named my daughter. Every few months I would start to hit the Vietnam adoption agency websites. I sent off for packet after packet of information. I emailed other parents that had recently adopted from Vietnam and asked about their agencies. I read every article I could about Vietnam adoptions and when my Adoption Today magazine showed up in April dedicated to Vietnam adoptions, my heart melted looking at all the little boys that needed mamas.

I had gently mentioned it to my parents to a lukewarm reception initially. One day my mom was visiting and I opened an email from an agency that included info on their Vietnam program AND they included a picture of a little boy no older than 4. I'm not sure what it was about that photo, but after that my mom had a change of heart and my dad began discussing going to Vietnam with me when I went to get my son.

I admit, I didn't tell many people what was going on inside. I felt blessed to be chosen to be a mother to my daughter, it seemed selfish to ask for more. Last November in the middle of my paperchase, I planted a tree for my daughter. This summer I planted a red Japanese maple and named it for my son. This summer I shopped with a girlfriend that is also adopting from China. We were buying all kinds of little girl clothes, but I admit, I snuck in a little boy outfit. I've had it sitting next to my bed all these months. The hope for a son didn't wane, even after I finally tucked his outfit next to my shirts several weeks ago.

The last few weeks I have not slept well, I have been out of sorts and even turned my head when chocolate was offered. That's a bad sign! Last Sunday, November 4th, the feeling became so intense--it reminded me of the constant God nagging I felt before I finally agreed to begin the adoption process for my daughter. I went to church that morning and I prayed during the song service. I prayed for a sign. Something, anything that would give me some indication of what to do. By now you may be wondering why I just didn't do it already, well, I had some good reasons not to. 1) It is very costly to adopt one child, let alone two 2) I'M SINGLE, but more importantly 3) China didn't allow it. They were against concurrent adoptions and/or pregnancies and that was reason to dismiss your dossier. I couldn't and wouldn't do anything to jeopardize my daughter coming home. That would have broken my heart and crushed me in a way I can't describe.

Ok, back to Sunday. During the church service, my pastor had a guest missionary in to discuss refugee missions all over the world. He mentioned that Vietnam was one of the countries responsible for producing the most refugees in the past year. My ears perked up. Was that a sign? I wasn't convinced. I went home and cruised my favorite recipe site for some stew recipes. For some strange reason Vietnamese stew recipes kept coming up. What the heck? I've never even heard of Vietnamese stew before. Not convinced, no way. I went to the gym in the hopes of wearing down some of my agitation. My walked/ellipticalled my way through 5 miles and felt no better. Until I got home. I checked my e-mail and waiting in my inbox was a message from Kristen reporting that the CCAA was now allowing concurrent adoptions and/or pregnancies while families waited to be matched with families. Now there is a sign!

I called my mom feeling a bit freaked out and realizing that was probably my sign. I thought she would be my voice of reason and talk me out of this crazy idea. But she didn't. She bounced my thoughts back off of me and I realized my biggest obstacle was going to be paying for it. I also realized that it was very likely that I would have non-bio twins on my hands! I called Kristen and she said the same thing---go for it!!! I emailed the agency I was interested in (since June!) and I wanted to clarify some things, including referral times. Evidently this agency is referring boys in 5 months or less from the time a dossier is sent! Oh my goodness! That would give me a year home with him before going to China for my daughter. I quickly asked for the rep to send me an information packet and I promptly emailed my home study agency to find out what their stance was on it. I'm actually still waiting on that. I got an unsolicited email from my China agency saying I was clear to adopt while I waited my daughter. I even talked to my pastor about it, who I thought was rather negative about the first adoption. Even he was actually encouraging and he prayed that I would have the strength to make the right decision. Wow, everything is coming together. I should hear from my social worker tomorrow and I hope to hear from the Vietnam agency by the end of the week. Every day that passes I feel more secure with my decision.

I can look back at the last 1-2 years and now I am able to see clearly the plan that was set in motion before I knew of it. When I bought my house, a 3bedroom 2 bath, I said "if I buy it, they will come." I am not sure exactly how I knew that. I bought the paint for my son's room at the same time I bought the paint for my daughter's room. I even had the layout of his room figured out at or before my daughter's.

At some point I will probably merge this blog with the blog dedicated to my daughter, but for now, since nothing is official and my friends and family do not know, I am going to keep them separate.