Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Every morning when I get up I am fully aware that I am the luckiest woman in the world.  I have a beautiful son and he brings a level of joy and happiness that I can not express with words alone.  He’s amazing.  Seeing his little face makes getting through the work day a little easier.  Once 2 pm arrives I try to race through the rest of the day so I can see him. Because he is such an amazing gift and brings me so much joy I feel hypocritical to complain.  About anything. 

But I have a major stressor right now that is of great concern (Spud’s fine) so I hope you will keep us in your prayers.  I can’t go into it right now, but I’ll just say I’m under a lot of unnecessary stress. 

I know I’m not the only one that suffers through the daycare issue.  I was fine when Spud was with my dad last week.  He was happy, I was happy (as happy as a mama can be away from her babe).  Yesterday when I took him to daycare for his first day he started playing with the other boys immediately and when I told him I was leaving he crawled back to me and reached up to hug me.  He then crawled back and began playing.  I thought I was in the clear.  But it was a different story when I returned in the afternoon.  He was standing up and holding on to the nanny’s knee (what exactly do you call daycare workers??) and he was doing this little whine/cry thing.  it was heartbreaking.  I haven’t heard him do that since we were in the orphanage.  Maybe he does it when I am not around, but it really bothered me.  When he first noticed me he gave me a really flat look.  I wonder if he thought I was leaving him.  It was probably a little too orphanage like for him.  Today I dropped him off, he began playing with Nate, when I said goodbye he crawled back and hugged me.  And he watched me leave.  When I turned back around he was still watching me.  When I looked through the window outside the nursery he was still watching me with those big, brown, puppy dog eyes.  Killed me.  I had to rush out of there before I started crying. 

I am thankful for little things.  A dear colleague gave birth to a baby girl just two days after my G&R.  I finally had a chance to see her yesterday and she is all squishy and warm.  Seriously, she is like a little warm snuggle bunny.  Ahhh, I wish I had had those moments with my son when he was that age, but honestly, I don’t think he would have been nearly that soft and squishy.  My photos of him even at that age showed a big baby with a big smile who was proud to show that he could hold his head up on his own.  Perfection comes in all sorts of sizes and shapes. 

I didn’t get any photos today despite the awesome weather.  I did, however, get a rockin’ new haircut. I haven’t had a haircut since October/November and it was LONG.  Like longer than I have worn in about six years.  Down past my shoulders long.  Now I am sort of short and sassy.  I like it!  It also prevents the Spud from pulling my hair.  He loves to grab a hold of the hair just behind my ears and pull my face close to his—I love it when he does that, but darn does my head hurt.  I’m also tired of pulling my hair out of his poop.  I’m sure you can figure that out for yourself. 

And if you have read this far I have one last question…I have only a few hours with my Spud before bedtime in the evening, but I would really like to get in shape and return to the gym (especially since I am paying for a membership).  Any ideas?  I’m wondering if I should go around 7 pm when it is close to his bedtime.  Hopefully he would just sleep through it and not realize that I was gone once again. 

3 comments:

Kelli March 18, 2009 at 10:01 PM  

Personally, if I go home before I work out, there is little to no chance of me going. I am paying for a membership too but have been doing a lot of walking with Aiden in the stroller or walking with friends right after school. Is the gym close enough that you could fit in 30-40 minutes twice a week before you get Spud? And then maybe go once on the weekend if the childcare is open? I haven't braved the gym childcare yet, but think I will this summer. Until then, I will keep paying $20 a month for my 1 or 2 workouts a month- ugh.

Amanda and Chris March 19, 2009 at 9:09 AM  

I have issues with my little one being in daycare, too. It IS really difficult in the beginning. She's been in daycare for about 3 months now, and I can tell you, it does get easier. My little girl has made lots of friends (she hugs them all the time) and she loves her teachers. She's learning lots of new things. It will get better! Unfortunately, I don't have any advice re: working out. I never seem to have any free time!

dzelano@hotmail.com March 21, 2009 at 11:51 PM  

Leaving your kid in daycare is hard! I think every mom feels exactly as you do and many of us would be SAHM at least for a while if we could. But for most of us, that's not even an option. It does get better but I still feel that it is really tough some days (at least for me...) and my little guy has been going since September. I had a really hard time for a long time leaving my daughter. It didn't get easier until she started preschool at age 3 when all of a sudden she just seemed to be in the right place and really needed the companionship and bonding with the other kids. It will get better but it really is a tough thing...

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This started as my story, but has evolved to OUR story. This is the story of life as a single parent to a wonderful little boy while we wait for baby sister. China LID 2.12.07.


But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, be patient! For it will surely take place. It will not be late by a single day.
Habakkuk 2:3

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