Sunday, March 2, 2008

Weighty Issues

I can remember the power words had over me when I was an adolescent.  I remember crying as a 12 year-old because the girls at school were mean, or worse, the teacher was mean (and yes, I had a couple of nasty teachers that hated kids, even me).  Even in my early twenties I remember how upset I would get if my boss was hypercritical or yelled at me for seemingly innocent infractions.  I was so happy when I got older and began to mature.  Those things didn't seem to bother me as much...until now.  It's amazing how much power words still hold over me when it comes to my family.  While I won't go into the details of it, I will say that I received an email from someone on Friday that seemed to encourage me in my wait for Haven.  It felt like things were back on track (pre-January 15th meltdown) and I dared to hope that I may not only see Haven's referral this year, but also get to meet him. 

Yesterday I read a blog that seemed to indicate the contrary.  They spoke of an anonymous source who was sure the whole process was going to shut down.  And again this morning, I read a post someone left on one of the Vietnam Adopt groups reporting the personal opinion of their particular agency.  While I think it is good to be informed, are we truly informed here?  I did my homework before jumping on this crazy train.  I read countless sources that stated something along these lines:

Families who are more comfortable with a highly predictable process or who have limited funds to use for adoption will still be better off applying to adopt a child from China. Adoption Today, April/May 2007, pages 16-18



In short it is difficult to find many negatives to the program with the exception of the fact that it is just beginning again and some kinks still need to be worked out. Adoption Today, April/May 2007, pages 16-18.

While I'm not exactly endorsing the last statement because a number of things have changed since last Spring, I do agree with the fact that it is still a relatively new program and it has some MAJOR kinks to work out...some (or many, depending on who you talk to) of which can be found on this side of the things. 

Even though I feel God has given me a sense of peace throughout this journey, there are moments when I read statements such as these and I feel the panic rise for a minute or two.  Then I remember, I didn't come down this road to take the easy way.  I'm following what God has put on my heart.  There are so many unknowns in life, but I do know that regardless of how this turns out, I would always wonder with regret what would have happened if I hadn't stepped out on this ledge.  I have used a phrase for many years when I feel I'm getting to a place I'm not comfortable (anything from spending too much money on something, to going on a date with someone of questionable moral value).  On more than one occasion I have said to my sister or my best friend "I might need you to talk me off that ledge".  I guess what I'm saying is this: this is one ledge I don't want to be talked off of. 

As far as the wait goes, my mom is determined that we will be traveling this year to meet Haven.  She has decided that we have at least 30 weeks before anything significant will happen so we have plenty of time to lose some weight.  Thirty pounds, to be precise.  I'll keep you updated on both the weight and the wait.


Anonymous March 2, 2008 at 5:14 PM  


I know just what you mean about how one comment on a blog or a board can send your mood spiraling. I say - don't listen to the negative! For some reason, people really like to speculate on the terrible "what ifs" of adoption programs. When we were still waiting on China, I took an adoption-internet break (it was either that or lose my mind) and I have to say it really helped with my mood. I put a post it note on my computer that said something like "NO adoption surfing!" You might try it for a week and see what happens! Actually, I might have to try it again soon too. I notice that when I spend too much time surfing the blogs and calculating the referral wait time, the court wait time, etc. I always go to bed totally stressed out and depressed. Hang in there, friend!

Kelli March 2, 2008 at 6:43 PM  

Panic for a few minutes? I have been feeling it for about 12 hours now! I still think all we've got are opinions, nothing concrete. Glad you're not coming off the ledge- I'm right there with you!

Jennifer and Jody March 3, 2008 at 3:41 PM  

Hi! I found your blog through Chris and Shasta. It looks like we are both at the same stage- waiting for the 171-H, though we are part of the Ethiopia program with Gladney. We were fingerprinted on Feb. 8 and waiting pseudo-patiently for the Indiana CIS to make it through our app! I will be following your journey!

Meredith March 3, 2008 at 9:19 PM  

I'm so glad to find your blog (through Kelli K's). We are a couple months behind you in the process and I was beginning to think we were the only ones crazy enough to join this world at this time. I read those exact same posts yesterday and feel the same way you do. No, I don't want to be ignorant. I want to know all of the facts to make the decisions we have to make at each step along the way. BUT, I don't want to get caught up in the hysteria that seems to have consumed the entire community and seems to be based on nothing more than rumor at this point. Great post! Thanks!!

Kate March 4, 2008 at 6:32 PM  

Great post and well said! I found your blog today and I'm in the same boat (ledge) as you. Keep faith, it's all we have.


About This Blog

This started as my story, but has evolved to OUR story. This is the story of life as a single parent to a wonderful little boy while we wait for baby sister. China LID 2.12.07.

But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, be patient! For it will surely take place. It will not be late by a single day.
Habakkuk 2:3

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